Spinning

Yup, its a new behavior these days.  I will find you spinning in circles and laughing at yourself.  Mind you, you have enough problems standing on your own two feet so trying to walk after spinning is not in your best interest.  But maybe I need to take this advice also.

My head has been spinning trying to figure you out.  These days have been a constant evaluation and re-evaluation of schedules, interventions, therapists, and behaviors.  It is maddening to try to figure out what might be going on in your head and there are days I wish you could just turn around and tell me.  That you could just give me a little hint to what makes your world go 'round.  With all of these circles though it makes it hard for us to stay focused on what matters.

After dropping you off at school I spend my time wondering how your day is going.  Are you behaving?  Are the medications working?  What would help you be more successful?  I know this is enough to drive anyone crazy and in all honesty it is not helping you.  At home I wonder when you are gong to lose it?  How much sleep do you need? I'm I focusing on the right skills?  What will tomorrow look like?  My trying to evaluate and process and understand every little aspect is not going to change you having a rough day or deciding to speak your voice when your opinion will not change the situation.

Most importantly this constant spinning does not allow us to continue to walk forward.  Just as you stumble when you are dizzy, I cannot expect you to continue to move forward if I am dizzy also.  I need to be your cheering squad, your shoulder to cry on, and most importantly your foundation.  Within this I will of course make decisions to help support you along the way but what I am learning is that I do not need to understand it all.

I am continuing to let go and let you live and everyday brings us a new adventure

Keep On Truckin
Love
Mom