Yeah so I think it would almost be easier to list the behaviors that child abuse and drug exposure did not affect as opposed to all of the ones it does but I will do my best to summarize for you. I have talked to you endlessly about behaviors, your strengths and weaknesses, and again this all ties in with all your areas of need. You have had so much growth in this area though and so many strides that you have worked very hard for.
Two years ago we could not even walk around the block without an issue. I remember the day after you came home I had the bright idea of taking you and all three dogs for a short walk in the morning. I mean it was just around the block and its not like you had never been outside before so what could be so hard? Oh was I wrong. I should have given up after it took me twenty minutes to get your shoes on your feet and finally had to hold you down to do it. I should have given up when it took another twenty minutes to get you through the front door but as we all know, I am stubborn. We had not even made it three feet before the screaming started, face slapping, falling to the ground, and any other behavior you could think of. Me thinking using behavior techniques would work with you just kept on walking and hoping you would follow in line. You did continue to walk but were extremely unhappy and made that known. So much so that Sally and the kids quickly got dressed, ran out of the house, and joined us on the walk to help us make it through. This was another moment that I had to look at myself and ask what I had gotten myself into this time! I would say it was good nine months before you could walk around the block without screaming - people would always come out of their house to make sure you were okay and somebody was not dying as that is what you sounded like.
It was also the day after you came home that Nancy and I had to take you by the fire station to make sure your car seat was installed properly. You willingly got out of the car once there and waited somewhat patiently while they tightened it down but holly hell broke lose when I tried to but you back into the seat. So, in front of about five firefighters I had to "nicely" climb on top of you and pin you into your seat. I quickly learned this would be our new routine anytime we had to go someplace during those first six months and was extremely happy I had upgraded to the four door SUV just a few short months before you came home as it would have never been possible in the two door!
Transitions were hard for you. You were afraid of the unknown, you were not sure that this was home for you yet, and I think most of all you didn't want to leave your toys as you had never really had any before. The hoarding was something I somewhat expected but not to the degree I found. I had no idea you were hiding clothes behind your bed, food in baggies, or toys where only you could find them. It didn't take me long to discover we would have to find some new boundaries and build levels of trust that those items were not going anywhere.
What was the hardest though was your "light switch" temper. This impacted all aspects of your life and frustrated me to no end. You would ask for something so we would give it to you only to find you throwing a tantrum because you had decided you really didn't want it. For days on end it was you pushing the boundaries as far as you could, waiting for my response and reaction. You being a master in waiting also could go all day and night without complying. It killed me as I specialize in working with behaviors that I could not figure yours out or start to see progress on this front.
The list went on, I watched you act out abuse situations, yell and shake stuffed animals, cry for no apparent reason and then sit and laugh hysterically when nothing was going on around you. You would only eat food from baggies that you "stole" off of counter tops, you would wake up with night terrors but were unable to tell me what who or what the demons were, and as much as you wanted friends you had no concept of play, sharing, or interacting appropriately. Your self injurious behaviors were concerning - face slapping, pinching yourself, throwing yourself down stairs, into walls and tables, and head banging. When we were in the bathroom if you had a flashback you would pull at your genitals until they bled and then look at me as if to ask "what just happened?" When you were angry you would go someplace where you could see your reflection such as the TV screen, door knobs, or trash cans, and watch as you yelled at yourself and then pull your own ears so hard that you often bruised the entire ear and on your face and neck surrounding them. We struggled to make it through the day a lot those first few months. I questioned my ability to provide for you and be everything you needed as everyday I discovered new needs you would have
Then, slowly, you let a few walls down. We were able to teach a few foundational skills to decrease the frustration. You started to realize this was your home and no matter what you did you were not going anywhere. That life went on and we did have to make transitions to get through the day and we had to make transitions to go places and see people you learned to love. On top of this we did turn to the route of medication to help keep your light switch "on" and stable instead of shorting out.
Don't get me wrong, you are still one of the most stubborn little guys I know and can wait an eternity if it is something you feel strongly about, but our life has settled. Your moments are few and far between and when they do happen, it is more typical of the developmental stage you are going through. Just yesterday we spent three hours walking around the zoo and you were able to interact with those around us, try to engage with the animals, and take in the world around you. You are able to show your likes and dislikes, to make and keep friends, and to continue to grow.
You will always know who you can manipulate and who you can get away with more with, but what seven year old does not know that. Child abuse and neglect took away the first five years of your life and still lingers in your past now. There are still moments you wake up screaming in the middle night or times when you cannot process all that is going on around you, but today you are a happy balanced child who wakes up each day ready to take on the world. You are no longer afraid of the unknown with those you trust but instead greet it as an opportunity to laugh and learn.
Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mom
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