Doctors, Answers, and Still More Questions

We made it! Numerous doctors appointments in a very short period of time and here are some conclusions and yet still more questions:

Neurologist: The ADHD medication was a miracle pill until he stopped working. The results were absolutely amazing and so much more then we ever expected. You were able to sit, listen, work, show interest in numerous activities other then cars, and most of all, TALK! You started using three and four word sentences paired with your pictures (since you were actually able to sit and look at your pictures). You were saying things such as "I want car," "I want candy," and of course, your favorite, "I want chocolate!" When the tenex stopped working we went right back to the neurologist - it wasn't fair to you, a door had been openend and I could not let it close that easily. You are now on Clonidine and even though you needa higher dose, it is working miracles again. I love to hear you talking and everyone loves that you are able to see the world that is going on around you. You face lights as you are proud of yourself and all your new accomplishments. Hopefully the Clonidine will continue to work and we will not have to go back to drawing board. And how can I forget, THE BARKING HAS STOPPED!!!! Never thought ADHD could help with this but there seems to be a direct correlation, you no longer think you are a puppy!!!

GI doctor: Not the most pleasant of news. You have actually been constipated all this time and she suspects it has been this way for years!!! Oh, how I feel pain for you even though you have never indicated your stomach was upset. Your tolerance for pain is unbelievable. Many children develop constipation around potty training and since so much of your abuse we think was around potty training years ago we think the issue actually started way back then. One of the more severe cases the doctor has seen in awhile. So, this weekend we are working on fixing this, I don't think anymore details are needed here! It will be very interesting to see how your mood and gait change once we have this under control. I know I would not be nearly as happy of camper as you are so I am sure you will even be happier (if that is possible).

Opthmologist: your vision is perfect - no reason to be looking out the sides of your eyes other then just being you!

Audiologist: Again - Perfect! We never doubted this, just needed to make sure

Orthopedist: We had your casting done and your orthotics should be ready at the end of September.

I am sure there is much more to come but this was huge. I am not starting the IEP process for Loudoun County Public Schools. Even though I am claiming home schooling this year and placing you in a preschool program, I want you to receive related services through the county and start to get to know the teachers where you will go next year. Hopefully we will get speech, OT, and PT at least one time per week.

Wednesday your new nanny starts. Its going to be interesting as I am sure you will test her just like you do everyone else. Hopefully though you are learning that this does not need to last long and we will continue to move forward.

After are short three months together I want to do more for children in the foster care system. So much what I have done for you now is not beyond any parents ability and provide opportunities for growth and ruling out other factors that may influence behaviors. I am not sure where I can do this but I am starting to look into it. Maybe being a guardian et liatem (the Barneby's really turned me on to this) but with work and raising you I do not have time for this. Even just working with local social work agencies on education programs for foster parents to help. Issues such as constipation going on for as long as we think you had it could be solved so much sooner if parents knew more subtle signs are had expectations to rule out diagnosis when children come into care. Additionally the information would be vital to any parent looking to adopt the child so they can make sure they have right resources in place before bringing their forever child home.

Life has its way of throwing curve balls and you seem to keep swining for the fences. Don't slow down baby because great things are still to come and your entire world has started to open up. In just a few short weeks we will celebrate your 6th birthday and four months of being home....

Love you baby

Changes A Comin'

Hey Baby

We definitely have our ups and downs. You decided this weekend would be another week to test mommy, maybe you knew the nanny was out of town or maybe it is just another wall coming down but you decided to test all weekend again. We made it though, the battles are much shorter, the days you test are further and further apart, and overall the changes keep on coming.

I don't know the best way to help you work through your past. To find a balance in life and to give you an outlet instead of us having our arguments. I am always looking for different activities for you hoping that keeping you busy will limit it but I also know that is not the long term solution. Some people say that play therapy might be a good way for you to work through some of the trauma of your past. It is so hard with your limited language to know and since no one even knows exactly what the trauma was it makes it even harder. I am sure you will be working through your past for the rest of your life, and, as time goes on, working through the ups and downs that you and I are having. I have been saying the last two weeks that I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. You have done so well, even with the tantrums, that one day everything will crash. This will be a step forward though, it will be a step in working through your trauma, a step in accepting your new life, and a a leap in to making progress for the future.

A week ago today after your bath time I turned to you and said "I love you" and for the first time, standing there in the hallway, bright eyed and curious you said "Wuv ew!" My heart dropped! Leaps and bounds from where you were three months ago and I know our bond is forever forming.

I had to pull you out of the private special education preschool. You were coming home with unexplained bruises and behaviors were going downhill way to fast. They were reinforcing all of your inappropriate behaviors and very little attention was being given for your appropriate ones. The final straw though was your back being bruised and scratched in multiple places and the school not knowing how it happened. You were the only student with at least four adults, how can they not know when you were injured!

We are already looking forward though - your typical preschool will start in just a few short weeks, your new nanny starts in two weeks, and hopefully we can find a few other fun activities for you. I am working on finding someone to work on running with you - you love to do it, I just have the motivation to do it with you and don't want to make it aversive. I have learned that I should not try to actually teach you anything but instead let someone else teach you and I will just practice it :)

Keep on Trucking Baby because more changes are a comin'

I love you

Neurologist

One doctors appointment down, only four more to go. We did start to get a few answers today. The neurologist feels that you definitely have some ADHD going on - this did not take much to talk him into since he danced around his office the entire time banging on the bed, getting on and off the bed, hitting the walls, pushing the step stool like a scooter, and shooting the imaginary aliens behind the bench. You put on a show for him and he did decide medication might not be a bad idea :) We started Tenex today. Its all a game at this point of finding the right medication and the right dose but hopefully we are off to a good start. My goal is just to calm your jets a little so that you can focus a little more. You have made so much progress even with bouncing off the walls, imagine if you could sit still for longer then 1 minute! I am also very pleased that the Neurologist did not mention any other disabilities at this time. What it really boils down to is your past and yes, you have cognitive delays and speech and language delays but we all know you are capable of catching up and other then ADHD no label is needed right now.

Your language is continuing to come. Lately we have heard "on," "off," "up," and "open" spontaneously in different environments. You are also imitating "cracker," "monkey," "chicken," "bread," "pizza," "apple," "go away," "spongebob squarepants," "my buddy," "popcorn," "ride,"and much more. For some reason you do not want to say people's names but I am not going to complain. I love to hear your voice - especially when you try to sing it!

Music is in your bones - you have rhythm - I have none so don't be looking at me for guidance on this one. As soon as your imitation skills are strong enough I will find someone who will work with you. I am sure you will love the drums or something similar. Additionally I am looking for someone to work with you on running. All little boys have their sports, you are not ready for team play so I am trying to find individual sports you can excel in and can challenge you. Swimming will come, you are not quite ready for lessons in this area but running I think you will love. Hell, you try to run away from me enough, you might as well get good at it.

I love you baby

Mom

Family Day :)

I am the one tired now. We went with Nancy and Terry for a long bike ride today. We started in Georgetown, biked around to Alexandria and then biked back to Georgetown. We left the house at 11:00 and did not get home until 6:00 pm. A great time was had by all but I will say having an extra 50 pounds attached to the back of the bike makes things a little more difficult. I kept asking you to learn forward going up hill but this did not make much sense to you!!! You absolutely love bike rides though and I am hoping to get you out more often. We are still working on you riding a bike by yourself but it will be awhile before you can do the the 16 miles we did today.

This was the first time we have been able to do a family day with Nancy and Terry. Your love for them and their love for your is amazing! We are so blessed to have them part of our lives and their unconditional love and support has helped us more then you can imagine and I am sure will continue to get us through not only our rough times but your cheering squad as you continue to grow.

Today was also the three year anniversary of your Grandmothers passing. You never had the honor of meeting my mom, your grandmother, but she would have loved you from the moment she laid eyes on you. I will explain the whole adoption journey to you one day but before she passed away I had started the process and she was my biggest supporter and also my strongest shoulder. Even though she was never able to meet you I know she played a role, in some way, of you and I finding each other (even it if was her way of paybacks :). When she passed away I told everyone that she became my wings and would continue to support me through life's daily hurdles. There is not doubt in my mind that she is watching from above, not only laughing at great amusement from our adventures, but also keeping an eye on you and I. She will always be our guardian angel.

You are headed back to school tomorrow. I am hesitant and not really thrilled by your first week in the school but we will see how week number two goes and then make a decision for the rest of August. Hopefully as they get to know you better and you settle in things will get better but I have to keep your emotional and mental state in mind also. You can only make so much progress so fast.

Keep on Trucking Baby

Love you
Mom

Your Tired

Plain and simple, you are tired. I think you are emotionally, physically, and mentally burnt out but you keep on going. You are hanging in there and even with a tough transition at school this morning, not to sure you were happy to be there, you put yourself back together and started your routine there. Little do you know things are about to be stepped up again. In the next two weeks you have a neurologist, opthamologist, audiologist, GI, and dentist appointment with sedation. Hopefully this will provide us with a little more insight to what makes you tick and where we need to focus our attention first. Your a trooper though, I'm sure you will pull through - and I will wait to tell you that also the week of the 16th you will be going to school five days all day for a week. Just another little push to keep you moving in the right direction.

We went with Melissa yesterday to build a bear. You choose to make a Monkey and then we put the Jonas Brothers sound chip in it. You are in heaven. You have carried the monkey everywhere pushing his hand to hear the 20 second clips over and over again. It is the simple things in life right now and we need to take the time to cherish these.

Love you baby

Mom

Mourning

Sometimes I wonder if you mourn the life you left behind. I know this might not make sense but I think I, and others, forget how much has changed for you and how much you lost and gained in the past few months. I am not always reminded of this until I read posts from other families who have adopted, mostly international adoption.

I need to remember that your adoption is no different. Just as children who are adopted internationally, your life was turned upside down and sideways. You left behind a comfort zone and you entered a whole new world. With your delays in communication and cognition no one could explain to you that you would never be returning to Idaho. That you were leaving your foster family you had been with for two years, your special education school, and your daycare behind. Additionally, you were leaving behind the other children in your foster home. In two years this had become your routine, your family, and your life, just as children in an orphanage do. You had learned self soothing techniques, how to manipulate the system, and living a life that you were not always the center of attention. Learned helplessness served you well and let you receive the attention you so desperately needed.

Now, we sit here and I have to remind myself of your past and how this impacts you today. I work very hard on myself and others not accepting your behaviors due to your past but it does not mean that we cannot understand. You have gone from not receiving one on one attention to almost 90% of your day being one on one attention. Where you have to talk or use pictures to communicate, you cannot yell or scream, you cannot make inappropriate sounds, and you have to socialize. Whether it be children or adults you are around people where emotionally, physically, and mentally, you are required to engage yourself most of your day. This is so different from you past. I know you are tired, burnt out, and wondering when this will all end. Additionally, I know you also wonder if this is your final home, if you will be moved again, or who will be the next person to impact your life.

I don't know how to ease these pains for you, to make growing up a little easier, or to make sense of the world around you. I just know that you are an amazing little boy who strives to live each day to the fullest.

I was reminded of all this over the weekend when we were over at a friends house with other adults. You ran by somebody and bumped into them, nobody else was in the room. I looked up at him and apologized for your behavior and he looked at me and simply said "never apologize for your son." I started to argue this and he quickly reminded me that nobody else will accept you for who you are and the young boy you are becoming if I do not let them know you for who you are and let you just be you. That I need to relax and enjoy the time and know that my friends will accept you and love you and no apologizes are needed.

Oh Me Oh My

Boy how time flies... I need to get better at shorter updates to you more often instead of these longer ones.

Lets start with Preschool. You started on Monday at Open Doors To Learning in Leesburg (the school based upon ABA therapy). Upon pick up when asked how your day was they simply said you are a "handful" - never a good first impression baby! From what I was told you barked for eight hours straight, ran around the entire time, and threw a tantrum when you were asked to talk - hmmm.. not liking the demands much. You crashed when you got home but woke up an hour later sobbing. I think it was just a huge change for you and better we make it now then later.

Tuesday though you were talking up a storm. We heard "bead," "puzzle," "up," "down," "my buddy," "car," "thank you," "ride," "apple," "pizza," and a few others. Absolutely amazed! Your use of PEC's is hit or miss. If you are looking and trying you are spot on and can discriminate a few pictures at a time otherwise it is rough but with consistency at school and home I know we will make vast improvement this month. My goal is that you are somewhat independent with this by fall so you will have a little more communication in the typical preschool program you will be attending.

Today, school said you did much better. It is obvious they still have no clue what you capable of. They were impressed you could say "high five" I will let them think this is new and be just as amazed with you as we are but hopefully they will start to push you harder soon. You need more behavioral structure there. You are now barking at home a little again and other loud vocalizations we had already seen decrease. I am thinking they are just getting to know you this week and by next week a better plan will be in place.

Well, I always talk about progress or frustrations but I want to tell you who you are today. You are a beautiful little boy who grabs the hearts of those he meets. If people do not know you are adopted they never question you could be my son, we look enough alike. You still love your cars but also you are now interested in space crafts, books, duplo blocks, coloring, skateboards, learning to ride your bike, the playground, pool, and much more. Your favorite activity I think is playing with Anna and Ellie down the street and just being around other people. You and I love to play "fetch" together. You have trouble throwing the ball so it is more me throwing, you running after it, and then bringing it back to me to do over and over again - yes, the game of "fetch."

You are stubborn as hell. Through all our fights I think you have waited me out longer and I think I can honestly say you are more stubborn then me which is hard to do. With this though comes determination and persistence and this is what has helped you grow so much. You read people by looking at their facial expressions and have a pretty good idea of those you can trust and those you tend to shy away from. Overall, as scary as it seems, you are a typical little boy! You might be going through developmental milestones of a 2 or 3 year old but you are just a little boy living life and from what I can see loving it. Through all our fights, all our battles, and all our moments, we continue to build a stronger and stronger bond that cannot be broken. You are my little boy, my little sped, and my forever child. It doesn't happen over night, we are on this journey together and we have both grown so much in such a short time. We both step back and look at each other sometimes, trust me, we both do it, and realize how far we have come and how much we still have to learn.

Keep on Trucking Baby

Luv ya

Picture of your first day at school