Magical

As Christmas day comes to a close I have thought about all Christmas means to us and the magic that is in the air.  The Christmas season is a time of imagination, growth, fairy tales, adventures, and maybe a little magic just for good measure.  This year I was able watch all the excitement grow within you and really admire the little boy that you are.

Christmas in my house was always surrounded by family traditions and ideas of what the holiday should be.  As you and I have grown over the years we have adopted some of these traditions and also created some of our own.  The one special tradition that really stood out to me this year and realize how much it meant to my mom was the "eye sparkler" under the Christmas tree.  Every year, in addition to our Santa gift, there was one present under the tree that your grandmother called the "eye sparkler."  She described it as the gift that would make our eyes just light up and the one gift, that I now understand, she put the most thought into getting for us. It was usually something we had been wanting for awhile or what we thought was  necessity in life.  Now, something you have to remember about Uncle Mike and I is that we do not get outwardly overally excited over much.  It is just not our personalities to jump up and down with a smile on our face and our "eyes sparkling."  But, as we got older we realized how much this meant to our mom and we did not want to disappoint.  I remember for a few years he and I would open all of our gifts and blink our eyes really hard while trying to smile and ask if it was our "eye sparkler"  There was one year though I had no doubt over my eye sparkler - my mom had gotten me the NBA starter jacket for the Charlotte Hornets - I know, random, but it is all I had talked about.  There was no doubt my eyes sparkled when opening that gift.

I wanted to continue this tradition.  I wanted to make sure there was the one present under the tree that would "wow" you and would be your first "eye sparkler."  I thought for days on end on what it might be and what gift you just wouldn't want to put down.  Then, I found it!  It would be the Nook HD.  I rationalized that you could use it for your homeschool program, it would foster your reading, and it would be an electronic toy that you are so drawn to these days (as is any 8 year old).  I took time to program it with books, wrap it nicely, and place it in the back under the tree so it would be last gift you opened.  What I learned this morning though was all of your gifts were your "eye sparklers."

I was reminded today that you take nothing for in granted for life. That you are so grateful for all that you have and all that you receive.  Every gift you opened this morning was greeted with "ohhhs" and "ahhhs."  You would talk about the present with "what do you see?", "I wanna .....", "oh whoa...", and much more. You opened each gift slowly and made sure all the paper was removed.  You actually looked at the gift for what it was, gave a sweet "thank you", and then pointed to the next one to open.  You face was lit up bright and happy.  You truly sensed the magic of Christmas and enjoyed yourself in the moment.  And that great electronic gift that I didn't think you would wan to put down.... well.... yes, you liked it but honestly you were just as happy today to be a playful 8 year old and let your imagination run wild as you played with your wooden train set, the star wars action figures, and your new spiderman.  The stuffed Mickey Mouse you got went everywhere with you, including the movies tonight.  

So yes, I was able to carry on the family tradition of the "eye sparkler" gift but you brought so much more meaning to it today.  Your innocence, gratitude, and unique and special outlook on life brought back the magic of Christmas for me today and reminded me of what the holiday season is about.  Today also reminded me of what a special little boy you are and that I have no worries of who you will be in the future.  

Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mom

Say What?

I cannot believe all of the language we are hearing these days.  For about the past week everyone you have talked to has noticed a pretty drastic increase in your communication.  Anything from your ability to put 2-3 words together independently, your imitation of words and sounds, and your ability to follow directions.  

You are coming up with new labels and requests independently such as "doughnut," "star," "spiderman," "off" and "down."  You are making your dislikes known to others, for example, running around your room naked and telling your therapist "no clothes, " "clothes all done," "no more clothes." And you are engaging others in your preferred activities by asking questions like, "do you wanna Lego orrr you wanna cereal?"  When you use language like that  we will do whatever you want!  

Without prompting you are imitating words you hear around you in order to be a part of conversations and allow your voice to be heard.  You are then using these words spontaneously just moments later and generalizing their meanings.  You are starting to realize more that words are made up of different sounds and it is the combination of these sounds that you need to focus on.  With less effort you have been able to make these sounds and your speech is more intelligible to all those around you.  

On top of this, you also do still use your communication device on occasion which has also expanded.  You used it the other day to say "welcome all, come Ms. Jody" - you were trying to welcome the babysitter and wanted her to take you to your speech therapist Jody.  Then when asked to tell what animal says "moo" you used your device to say "make me" and then laughed and walked away.  Lets just say not everyone is able to use their AAC device to give or show attitude but you have definitely found a way :)

This is a very exciting time and I am so very proud of you everyday.  I know how hard you have worked and continue to work and how much it means to you.  You clap and cheer for yourself when you are able to make new words or sounds.  You smile and giggle with happiness as others honor your requests and hear your voice.  You take great pride in all of your success which continues to be your driving force.  My mom always taught me to trust my gut and my gut is telling me that we are going to continue to see some amazing growth over the next year.

Keep on Truckin
Love
Mom

Don't you Dare.......

Growing up I was that child who always pushed the limits.  My mom would describe me as hard-headed, stubborn, a perfectionist, and oppositional.  She used to always tell people that she would tell me "don't you dare put one foot in the road!" and I would turn around, laugh a little, and say, "Mommy, two feet in the road!" and take off running away from her.  Of course as she told me this years later I just laughed not really knowing my day would come.  Well, my day has come and you have now entered that phase of life.  I would have to describe you as hard headed, stubborn, and oppositional.  Tonight I would tell you "no" as you were walking a fine line and you would just giggle and say "OHHHH No!" and then continue doing what you were not supposed to be doing.

Last night as I wrangled you into bed the baby gate fell down the stairs and crashed.  Before I had a chance to react I heard this innocent voice yell out "God Damnit!" - uh oh - mommy must need to watch her language these days.

Your therapist told you the other day that you "needed your device" and she would not let you play the game until you went to get it.  You proceeded to walk over to it and push the "need" button and then continue to ignore her and entertain yourself other ways.

Everything these days has to be done by yourself.  You are Mr. Independent and do not need the help of others.  I was watching you brush your teeth, which is a skill not yet mastered.  You could not get the toothpaste onto the toothbrush so you decided to just squeeze the toothpaste right into your mouth and then brush from there - I give you points for creativity.

As we have entered this stage you have also decided that doing school work is no longer fun.  That it is more entertaining to push the buttons of your therapists and constantly be thinking of new ways to receive attention other then sitting at the table learning about the three R's.  This ranges from stepping into the toilet, when you think the toilet seat is down, and soaking yourself.  Falling in-between the toilet and sink and getting stuck.  Climbing on the counter, desk, bed, table, or chairs - remember though, you can't even walk five feet most days without falling.  You will lay on the floor and try to push all of your work materials under the door so that they are not available to use, you will try to eat the materials you do not like, and of course, you will simply just sing at the top of your lungs acting as if no one else is in the room.  We keep pushing forward though because even through all these behaviors you continue to master skills and show your knowledge.

The other morning driving to therapy you told me "I want girl" on your device!  I didn't know that would start this early. Needless to say that will not be under your Christmas tree this year.

You still are easily entertained by Lego's, army men, swords, books, and cars.  You amuse me as you change your voice and intonation based upon what toys and what play scheme you are acting out. Your imagination is running wild these days and your interests continue to expand.

Not only have you made the academic gains and mastered all of your foundational skills, you have made great strides in your fine motor and self help skills.  You are using scissors, starting to play catch, attempting to brush your teeth, and shower by yourself.  Now, not all of these are perfect but please see the prior note that you are all about being Mr. Independent these days - I have to find new and interesting ways to help you without you knowing.

Your grandmother would have been so proud of you.  I often times imagine her laughing from above at me as I try to navigate this adventure of parenting.   I know that she would have been your second biggest cheerleader, that she would be giggling by your side, and spoiling you rotten.  As I write to you I also often times look back at what my mom wrote to me in my journal.  I often times just hope for a glimmer of advice or the answer to the questions.  Unfortunately, the only secret it holds is that I am responsible for the little man you are becoming :)  That you are following in my footsteps, that you have my personality, and that I would not have it any other way.

Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mom

Articulation

A vital component to your speech. The more progress we can make on your articulation of specific speech sounds the more understandable you will be to those around you.  Before we could not have a strong focus on this because you were not able to directly imitate when asked.  Recently though, you have decided that you enjoy imitating sounds and words and you patiently work with individuals on perfecting them.  I had the joy of watching you in your speech session earlier this week and could not have been prouder of you.  Your hard work, determination, persistence, and patience through this process continues to amaze me.  We still have a long road ahead of us but its nice to stop and listen to the sounds every now and then :)

Keep On Truckin

Love

Mom

The Young Boy You Have Become

I have started to write this many times to you.  Recently, every time I sit down to give a quick update and make sure we are keeping up I do not know where to begin.  Other times I write to you it seems to just flow, its a quick update on your language, academics, or what new sport of the week we are trying.  On occasion I throw in some details on your behaviors and glimpses of how much you have grown or started to change.  For some reason though things have been different these last few weeks.  It is harder to put into words all of the changes and who you are becoming.  It is hard for me to realize the path you are on.

This path scares me.  It is an unknown for me and one that I am sure is going to have a whole new set of bumps along the way.  It seems that we have turned a pivotal corner in our relationship and in your view of the world. You have a system of trust now, a new walk of confidence, and a self-motivation I have not seen before.  All of this has allowed you to express yourself and start to find your nitch in the world around you.  I am not sure if this will all make sense to you, until now I have always talked about your progress, but the look in your eyes is different.  I am not afraid that we will turn around tomorrow and lose all that you have conquered.  I no longer live in fear that you will wake up tomorrow and have that lost and distant look in your eyes.  Today I live in the moment but also with a different fear, a fear that one day I might truly be able to let you spread your wings.  I am in fear that I can't keep up with you, challenge you, and provide for what may be around the next corner.

This past week, with the Thanksgiving holiday upon us, you held your head high and were never phased.  Nancy and Terry were in town for almost a week yet you did not miss a beat in showing them how you have changed and your personality.  You accepted change this week, different environments, foods, people, and interactions. You went with the flow, kept your emotions in line, and used your voice to be heard.  You were cuddly, loving, funny, persistent, stubborn, and a wound up ball of energy.  You allowed others to see the side of you that I see on a regular basis.  You allowed yourself to enjoy the moment and to simply be who you are without all the walls around you.

These past few weeks have guided us down the next path past the fork in the road. You have decided upon a direction to take and you will continue to thrive and overcome all that stands in your way.  This is not to say we won't have our moments, I mean you are a typical little kid in so many ways that I am sure we will continue to have our battle of the wills, but these wars will not be as hard.  They will not be over the trust and confidence that you have recently found. They will not be based upon your fears.  Instead, these battles will be about you continuing to grow. You trying to fly a little to early and me still holding on. I am afraid to let go but I also know you are telling me that you are ready for a little more.  I can promise you that I am trying and that I am ready to see the next chapter in our amazing adventure.

Keep on Truckin
Love
Mom

As The Leaves Change Colors So Do You

This fall has been emotional one for me as I watch you grow and change.  You are growing up before my eyes and right now it is happening at such a fast pace that even I am overwhelmed.  I cannot imagine what is going on in your little head.  I often times look into your eyes and see glimpses of the future.  I see the spark that will carry you far, the fear that will continue to hold you back, and the spirit that nothing will hold you down.

There are days when you look so innocent.  Days that remind me that your life really did just start a little over two years ago when I brought you home.  You are playful, without a care in the world, and greet each challenge as an adventure.

Then there are days you look wise beyond your years.  Days that remind me of the past you have endured, the pain you have suffered, and how much of a challenge each new morning is to you.  It is these days that you process the world and take in what is occurring around you far more seriously then any eight year old little boy should.

As strange as it may sound though, it is when I see the second of these two that I know you are going to be okay.  That you will continue to thrive in all that you try to accomplish, you will continue to conquer the world, and most importantly you will be able to overcome your past.  You are starting to allow yourself to process and heal.  By doing this you are also allowing the walls to fall down beneath you.

This fall you have allowed yourself to be successful in so many different parts of your life.  Academically you are soaring through material and continue to amaze us. I never imagined that I would be researching reading and spelling curriculums for you at this point but they will arrive next week!   Your language has changed and now you are more interested in labeling and commenting on the world around you then asking permission to do things.  You are obsessed with Elmo and Mickey Mouse, what little boy doesn't go through that phase though? :)  Your self help skills have also shown a drastic improvement which not only helps you but me.  You are so close to now being able to shower yourself and also brush your own teeth. On top of this, your understanding of what others are saying to you and around you is also constantly growing.

What I love watching is the look of pride and accomplishment on your face as you complete these tasks and move forward.  You have found the internal motivation that you were missing for so long and it is now the driving force to your success, not me.  You are finally living life on your terms and loving it.  I cannot wait to see what each day holds for you.

Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mom

Ticka Ticka Ticka Treat

I will admit, probably one of the most adorable sayings you have.  You fully understand Halloween and love the holiday.  I do have to laugh though because Halloween is the one holiday we did not celebrate growing up.  Your grandmother didn't feel it was a Christian holiday, funny how she choose this to be her hang up if you knew her, so your Uncle Mike and I each received a bag of candy and a trip to the movies every year.  On occasion she would try a crazy idea like the "Halloween" at the church where you had to dress as something God created - I vividly remember her hand sewing cotton balls onto my sweatshirt and sweatpants so I could go as a cloud.  Yup, I was just as much of a little shit then as you are now!  All of this aside though your first year home Sally and the gang would not let you miss Halloween so off we went.  It only took a matter of minutes that first night for you to catch on and somehow, you, being supposedly nonverbal, quickly learned to say "ticka ticka ticka treat."

This year we grabbed the cheapest costume off the shelf and as soon as you put it on you smiled and announced "It's Halloween!" "Candy!" Umm... okay, since when did you learn the names for your holidays or that dressing up meant Halloween?  Oh how much you take in that I forget to give you credit for.

The past two years you have had your little gang by your side and took their lead.  It was different this time around.  It was just you and I and I think a little bit of reality settled in and you missed your buddies.  It took us three attempts to get going as you wanted to chase down other groups of children and then cried when it wasn't who you thought it was.  It seemed that you wanted, and needed, the comfort of your group.  On our third attempt though I saw the spark in your eyes as you tripped up the stairs and yelled "Ticka Ticka Ticka Treat" before you even rang the doorbell.  I couldn't help but smile as I saw you grow just a little bit more.

This Halloween I was also able to step back and realize a few more things things you have learned.  You knew the difference between lights on and lights off and that you could only go to houses that had their lights on.  You minded all of your P's and Q's with a sweet "please" and "thank you" at every house.  This year you understand the concept of "take one" but found a variety of different ways to get around this - you tried one in each hand, them handing you one and you taking one, one of each kind of candy, one in your bucket and one in your mouth, and, my favorite, one for each time you rang the doorbell.  Lucky for you it was cold and rainy and very few people were out so the people were very generous.

Overall a very successful holiday and I look forward to do it all over again next year!

Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mom