I have started to write this many times to you. Recently, every time I sit down to give a quick update and make sure we are keeping up I do not know where to begin. Other times I write to you it seems to just flow, its a quick update on your language, academics, or what new sport of the week we are trying. On occasion I throw in some details on your behaviors and glimpses of how much you have grown or started to change. For some reason though things have been different these last few weeks. It is harder to put into words all of the changes and who you are becoming. It is hard for me to realize the path you are on.
This path scares me. It is an unknown for me and one that I am sure is going to have a whole new set of bumps along the way. It seems that we have turned a pivotal corner in our relationship and in your view of the world. You have a system of trust now, a new walk of confidence, and a self-motivation I have not seen before. All of this has allowed you to express yourself and start to find your nitch in the world around you. I am not sure if this will all make sense to you, until now I have always talked about your progress, but the look in your eyes is different. I am not afraid that we will turn around tomorrow and lose all that you have conquered. I no longer live in fear that you will wake up tomorrow and have that lost and distant look in your eyes. Today I live in the moment but also with a different fear, a fear that one day I might truly be able to let you spread your wings. I am in fear that I can't keep up with you, challenge you, and provide for what may be around the next corner.
This past week, with the Thanksgiving holiday upon us, you held your head high and were never phased. Nancy and Terry were in town for almost a week yet you did not miss a beat in showing them how you have changed and your personality. You accepted change this week, different environments, foods, people, and interactions. You went with the flow, kept your emotions in line, and used your voice to be heard. You were cuddly, loving, funny, persistent, stubborn, and a wound up ball of energy. You allowed others to see the side of you that I see on a regular basis. You allowed yourself to enjoy the moment and to simply be who you are without all the walls around you.
These past few weeks have guided us down the next path past the fork in the road. You have decided upon a direction to take and you will continue to thrive and overcome all that stands in your way. This is not to say we won't have our moments, I mean you are a typical little kid in so many ways that I am sure we will continue to have our battle of the wills, but these wars will not be as hard. They will not be over the trust and confidence that you have recently found. They will not be based upon your fears. Instead, these battles will be about you continuing to grow. You trying to fly a little to early and me still holding on. I am afraid to let go but I also know you are telling me that you are ready for a little more. I can promise you that I am trying and that I am ready to see the next chapter in our amazing adventure.
Keep on Truckin
Love
Mom
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