No Pain No Gain.... Right?

I am so proud of you. Yet again you surpassed one of my expectations. A little over a year ago we went for a bike ride with Nancy and T (look back at journals from last August) and you were still in a baby seat on the back of my bike. We made it that day, you telling me to "go" and just enjoying the wind in your face with no effort needed on your part as you nicely sipped your water.

Well, a year later, we went on this exact same bike ride today. This time though there was no way you were still fitting in that baby seat after growing over 5 inches in the last year so I had the bright idea to rent a trail-a-bike (basically makes my bike into a tandem bike by attaching a bike for you by a long arm). The problem, you don't know how to ride a bike yet. When I envisioned this trail-a-bike I was thinking it was very sturdy, didn't move side to side, and all the balance would come from me. Hahaha, maybe I should have looked into it a little more before we got all the way to Georgetown. It did move side to side, required you to pay attention, balance, and concentrate on holding on. The trail has hills, turns, bumps, and a lot of other people who you, of course, love to say Hi to as we pass.

When I first tried to get you on you cried, screamed, yelled some more, and really didn't seem to have an interest. In all honesty, I probably would not have either and I really didn't know if I could pull you for this long trip and not take both of down. But, you made it. Once we got moving you started to really like it. Instead of just saying "go" this year you pointed out the water to me, the boats, cars, other people on bikes, and the airplanes. It was so nice to spend this time with you today, to relax, not worry about what others and just come back to reality a little bit and continue to marvel in the little man you are becoming.

About five minutes before we were back we did have a little mishap and you fell off the bike. I think you may have dozed off, a long day for you, or you just simply let go, but either way you did take a hard hit cut up your knees, elbows, hands, and some pretty good cuts on your back and shoulder. What amazed me though is your tough as nails attitude and you took a minute to regroup, walked a few feet, and then got right back on the bike to finish the ride. I am sure you will be a little sore tomorrow but no pain, no gain, and we gained so much today :)

Love you baby
Mom

Just a little more support

So, I know you try your hardest. That you wake up each morning, take a deep breath, and never know what will be around the next corner. I want you to live your life, be happy, and take in everything that the world has to offer. I want you to be a kid, make up for lost time, and try your hardest. I push you to your limits, I have expectations, and I watch in amazement as you grow.

Unfortunately we are coming to a time and a place where people are not seeing the growth. They are not seeing the special, unique, and talented young man that you are. They are not seeing the hope, passion, persaverence, and future that you have. They are seeing a child who they are characterizing by his disability. They are afraid of his actions, and they are more interested in moving him on then taking the time to grow with him.

I continue to fight for you. To give you the opportunities you so desperately need in your life and to try my hardest to surround you with people who love and care for you. To give you safety, a sense of security, and an environment to thrive.

School has yet again not followed through on this. I am so sorry that everyday you have to go to environment where you are not understood, where you are not accepted, and where your frustration continues to rise. It pains me to hear you cry as they walk away with you, to know you feel as if you need to be saved from the individuals who are supposed to be educating you, and to know that these individuals do not see the same passion for life you do and do not see the potential that lies inside of you.

I can only ask you to be so resilient. I can only ask you to bounce back and come out of your shell so many times before I will lose you forever and you will remain this child forever locked away behind those longing eyes. I cannot continue to ask you to hang in there for the right person who will understand you to come by to educate you and ask you to wait until I fight one more meeting to hopefully get a document that will support your needs. It should not be dictated by a piece of paper. By one perspective, budget, case manager, or administrator. It should be dictated by your strengths and weaknesses, your abilities, your potential, and the spark in your eyes that tells us what is still hiding inside.

So, for all these reasons, I will continue to look for just a little more support. For the people who can provide you the world broken into pieces that you can understand, build upon, and make your own world from.

I love you
Keep on Truckin
Mom

Thats What Friends Are For

You are still working on pedaling your bike yourself but we have made huge strides.

Yes, that is Anna pushing you with her bike al the way down the sidewalk and you just kinda of hanging out for the ride - but hey, what are best friends for! You live your life for the little crew of three down the street and not sure what you would do without them. They have not only pushed you on your bike but pushed you to new limits everyday in your development. We LOVE Anna, Ellie, and Gavin

Enjoy Baby
Mom

Catching Up

Needless to say it is time for an update on your little life!

Lets see where to begin - on Sunday we had your birthday party and you had 14 other children at your side to help you party. You had the BEST time I have seen in awhile. You had a few little ones from you kindergarten class (a nice step since you have been hitting kids in class). the usual gang from the street, and then some from your social skills group, and swim lessons, and a few others. It was such a nice group and everyone seemed to get along extremely well. We were at Rebounderz which is an indoor trampoline arena where the floors and walls are trampolines. It just opened so not many had been there before and they did a great job of moving through the party and helping the celebration. I was a little nervous, expecting the break down, but it never happened it was as if, for those two hours, all the worries went away and your deficits just disappeared. As we set down to have pizza and cake you said "It's my birthday!" and then right before blowing out the candles, which you were able to do this year, you said "happy birthday." I can't help be smile and am very proud of how well you handled yourself.

Since Wednesday of last week you have been "stable." A relative term but a term I love to hear in this household. The only other time we have seen this was over summer and it happily lasted for about six weeks. I take each day of this calm and happy child in stride, never missing a moment of your smile and giggle. I never know when it might disappear again or when I might loss a piece of you again to cycling. It is not that we don't have our good moments even when your mood is struggling a little, but the child I have had since Wednesday and the child I had over summer is such a gift that never misses a moment of what is front of him. That is playful, creative, and imaginative. A child who wants to please those around him, thrives off of his success, and is taking in the world around him. Most importantly a child who captures the heart of those around him. You are interacting with the world around you instead of watching it through a glass window and this is vital to your future success.

Today was the first day that school saw you "stable" and you had absolutely no behaviors. Given you had been hitting students and staff multiple times per day prior to today and to have a perfect day today was the highlight. They were very proud of you as was I. Hopefully you will continue on this path, but even if we have a few hiccups they have now seen the "other side" and all you have to offer.

You teach me so much everyday and we have continued to grow with each other. I have discovered that one of my favorite activities to do with you is go grocery shopping. Those that know me are probably laughing while I say this baby because cooking is definitely not my thing but you get so excited to help when we are in the store. You want to be the one to get the items off the shelf and put them in the cart. We work on counting if we need multiple items and every know in then you pick up food items that you want that I would forget to buy otherwise. For instance when I turned around this week you were putting boxes of gushers into the cart (Thanks to Linda for introducing you to this candy). I take for granted that you get to make these choices, and that you have preferences, and forget to ask and you are showing me these days that you do have an opinion and it is important.

You and I also enjoy watching football together on Mondays. It is funny to watch you cheer for the redskins and do a little dance when they get a touch-down. I sit here now wishing you didn't have to be asleep in bed because it is a late game and I need my little man to be watching it with me.

By the way, you can stop growing anytime now. I included the picture above of you at the playground as you can see how long your body is and that you have definitely outgrown some of the play sets, whether you like to admit it or not. You have grown about 5 inches, if not a little more, since you came home and if you keep this up you will outgrow me in the near future!

Well shorty, keep on trucking I couldn't be prouder of the little man you are becoming and the challenges you are overcoming.
Love
Mom

Happy Birthday

Wow, you turned 7 today! I cannot believe it as it just seems like yesterday we celebrated your 6th birthday. Tonight we enjoyed a nice family dinner (with Sally the crew and Nancy) and in two weeks we are actually going to attempt a real birthday party. I have some apprehension about this, I worry about your lack of social skills these days but you deserve a party! We will be going to an indoor trampoline place for a two hour party and your usual crew will be there along with a few students from school. I invited the boys from your classroom to join us so we will see how many are able to make it.

I watched you today and took a deep breath. You have now been home with me half of the time you were in your foster home and as of now you have been out of your biological home as long as you were in it. These are milestones and each year is another year of hope, opportunity, and success for you. You were excited today and bounced your way out of bed and down to my room. I got you a new bike, its more like a trike for older kids, so that we could continue to work on pedaling and guess what, you did pedal! You were also exhausted by the time we got to your presents tonight so I am excited to see you on it again tomorrow.

Things have been a little rough for you lately overall. I don't know if we are going through growing pains, if school is to overwhelming, or if it is just another phase but tantrums are always on the cusp, you are hitting the students in your classroom (something that shocks me and I know you love time with peers so I am not sure what is going on), and now hitting and kicking at home. It is hard not to smile though when you attempt to kick because you did not have the gross motor ability to actually kick just a few short weeks ago. It is definitely an off balance attempt but I have to smile as I know it is another developmental milestone. The hitting is probably a milestone too but unfortunately you will scare off children as you go through this so we need to get rid of that one - and fast.

As I look at the pictures above from Great Country Farm this weekend and from your birthday today I see the change in your body. You are stronger and healthier. You are navigating your environment, jumping, running, climbing, and doing your best to keep up with everyone. You grew five inches last year alone and your strength has vastly improved. I watched you climb on top of the jumping pillow this week while carrying an inflated cow (had to have been there) but you could not of even done that a month ago.


With all this though, and as much hard work as you put into life daily, I hate to tell you that this school environment will not be a good match for you for you. You need such an individualized program and one that focuses heavily on language development. We need a team that can use your AAC device and that is trained in PROMPT to continue to push you forward. A team of individuals that can respect your past and how it impacts you today but help you work through your emotional walls to learning. Now is the window and now is the time to push harder. I am researching private school options and also, with a leap of faith, looking at a private school in Ohio that is based around AAC device use. With careful planning I know we can find the right educational environment for you.

Well baby, I am off to bed. I love you
Keep on Truckin
Mom

Anxiety

So, the title of this is a little more for me then it is for you. My anxiety has gone through the roof lately just waiting for the other shoe to drop and scared to death for you to walk into the doors of school again next week. It pulls at me and intimidates me to hand over the control of your program, your behaviors, your life, and most of all your emotional security to another group of professionals, and ask you to trust them when I am not even sure I trust them myself.

Last week and this week you have been at a day camp at Lifetime Fitness since I have already gone back to work. Again, I took a deep breath, walked you in the door, and wished them luck before I closed the door and drove away. I was nervous though, a group of college students running a camp for an overwhelming amount of children that involves swimming, gym play, games, etc... And yet again, you shocked me and those around us. You have LOVED it. I love hearing your sweet "bye" and "see ya's" when I leave and how you run away while teasing me when I arrive to pick up hours later for you only to fall asleep within seconds of being in the car. Another milestone for you though because we all know you would not have been successful in this environment or participated at the level you are now last year.

On top of this, last Friday you spent the night away from home for the first time! I was in a wedding and so Nancy and Terry volunteered to take you for the night. Wow! The first time since you came home for you to sleep away and again, no issues. Who is this child you are becoming?? :) You never cease to amaze me!

Well, little man, the next stop is school on Monday and through all the anxiety, tears, and behaviors I know you can do it. I know you can put on your big boy pants and impress all those who do not believe. I feel that since we always try to educate and warn those of what they might see and how to handle the behaviors that we actually end up intimidating them and they lose sight of the big picture of who you are. If a group of college students can see you for the wonderful little man that you are then surely a group of professionals in the field can do the same, right? You have so much to offer and are so savey in your ways that people can't help but falling in love with you. We just need them to fall in love with you AND educate you. Hopefully I will also be able to step back, show you it is okay to trust and succeed, and we will be off to a wonderful school year. We NEED this to be a wonderful school year.

Keep on Truckin Baby
I love you
Mom

Look Out World - Here You Come

Something has changed. An emotion inside of you, a wall coming down, a sense of security, and a feeling of happiness. It is not to say that I have never seen you happy in the last year because as we know I have, but it is to say this is the longest I have seen you content and happy and honestly a sense of fullfillment. Your laugh has meaning behind it and when you are upset now it is usually for a good reason (well, at least a good reason in your mind). You are learning to communicate these emotions better and to catch yourself before you actually spiral out of control.

With this change you are taking so much more in from the world around you. You are much more attentive to what is taking place, what the expectations are, and how the world interacts with you as much as you interact with it. You realize that by changing your actions something around you changes and that if someone else changes their actions you most likely should change yours too.

This is a giant step for you and a huge growth. You have changed so much over the last year but I would honestly say that the change in you the last two months has been the most drastic. I think part of this is due to the right combination of medication (after a year of working on it) and also me being home with you for the summer. The reason does not matter though what matters is the continued progress and your love for life.

We went to Ohio again this weekend to hang out with the Speas family and you did great. We did the Ohio State Fair (an experience all within itself) - you were able to watch the pig races, milk a cow, and view a shark tank - I will need to take you to a VA fair next year so you can see the difference :)

This week you are in a speech camp that is four hours every morning and is actually at the Theuraputic Riding Center. You get to spend all morning riding the horses, grooming them, and interacting with peers at the center all while working on your speech. Now, I am not a fan of horses but they said you LOVED it. You kept petting the horse (calling it a puppy) and saying "mine." I hate to break it to you but we will not be buying a horse in the future - but.... I may consider a little more therapy through horseback riding if you continue to do well this week.

We are at a pivital moment little man. You have been home a little over a year and as I said before you have continously made progress, even through all of the behaviors, but now, across the board you are starting to pull it together across all people and all the different places we go. Your speech therapist even sent an email saying this to me last week, Linda sees it when she works with you, and Frank has just joined the team to provide additional services. Now we need to again push a little harder, raise our expectations to another level, and continue to watch in amazement. I hope the world is ready because ready or not, here you come!

Love you baby
Mom