One year ago today I stepped off a plane in Idaho and not only met the most amazing little boy in the world but also committed to our future. I followed my hopes and dreams and got on a plane, not knowing the child I would meet on the other side, not knowing what to expect, and scared that I would not be able to bring the little boy home. There were so many factors to consider, so many emotions I had to work through, and so many thoughts of what the future would look like.
Many know of the story that lead me to you. That I started the adoption process right before I turned 25 and committed to a newborn baby boy in Uzbekistan. The nursery was set up, the clothes were bought, and right before my mom passed away she saw the first pictures of this little boy. In December of that year I traveled to Uzbekistan, against many people's better judgement by myself, got on a train from Tashkent, and somehow survived to make it to Kitob to hold who I thought would be my son, Aaden. I then returned home, being told I would return two weeks later to pick him up. I never did return, Aaden was not meant to be my forever child.
I then waited a year. I waited for a birth mom to select my application and choose me to raise her child. This never happened.
Then, I started the search of children in foster care and was matched with little boy in Maine, Tyler. Again, the bed was bought, the clothes were there, and the hopes were he would be home by Christmas. Again, this never happened.
Then suddenly, a few months later I received a phone call that I had been matched with a little boy by the name of Boen in Idaho. My heart fell. I knew I wanted this and had been waiting but I also had been hurt so many times how did I know this little boy Boen was the one? That we were meant to be a forever family? That he was my son and in what I thought would be 4-6 months he would be sleeping in his own room, playing with the neighbors, and the center of my life?
I will be honest, the summary and paperwork was tough to read. Boen was a child who was not potty trained, sat in a corner with limited play skills, did not talk, and did not interact well with others, did not know how to use silverware, did not know his his colors, shapes, numbers, etc., did not understand simple commands and could not follow directions, unaware of people, and the list went on. Boen was described as a child with a rough past and was supposed to be diagnosed with Autism. I had multiple people read this report. My social worker was scared for me, my friends were scared for me, and most of all, I was scared for me. If I met this child and I could not handle his needs, could I say no? So, Jenny, god bless her, said she would come with me. Hold my hand, and also be a sound mind of realistic expectations of Boen and my family.
Well, needless to say, I did not meet Boen, I met Bryson. I meet a child full of life, love, happiness, joy, and a future with endless possibilities. Yes, it was true that Bryson had his needs and was very under developed in many of his skills but he was not the child that was described in the papers. He was first and foremost a child and most importantly he was my son, my forever family. We were meant to be together. Oh, and that sounding mind of mine, Jenny, who came along - She fell in love just as quickly as I did. So much for a sounding board :)
I still vividly remember meeting you at the daycare, you running back and forth between the mirrors and us - laughing at yourself, wanting to be held, and finding amusement in being the center of attention. I am sure the feelings I felt were similar to those of a mom holding her newborn infant. Looking towards the future and seeing the all the possibilities in the face of innocence. Within the first 24 hours of being there I had signed the paperwork committing for you, booked our plane tickets to come back and pick you up a month later, and asked numerous times if there was any chance this could fall through. I was assured you and I were meant to be and nothing was going to change.
Jenny and I had an eventful 3 days with you. Eating your cereal with milk with your hands, screaming in the pool, laughing hysterically in the ball pit, running around the parks, and seeing a glimpse of your current life when we visited you at your foster parents. It was a whirlwind. Barely a second to think but also all the time in the world to plan. When getting back on the plane a few days later, looking through pictures and taking a deep breath, realizing both of our lives were about to change, I just had to make it back a month later.
I realized that even when adopting there is a child for everyone. That you and I were meant to be a family and as much as I may have pushed and tried other routes before they were not my sons. That I had to wait until you were found, ready for adoption, and then for us to find each other. That it can not be forced, that it has to be all in the right time, and it has to be the right match because I can tell you for a fact, you and I are definitely a challenge for each other but I am not sure either of us could have grown and changed as much as we have with anyone else.
Love you more today then yesterday
Keep on truckin baby
Love
Mom
First picture is from the ball pit last April when we met you and the second is the picture I saw of you online at adoptuskids.org
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