The Young Boy You Have Become

I have started to write this many times to you.  Recently, every time I sit down to give a quick update and make sure we are keeping up I do not know where to begin.  Other times I write to you it seems to just flow, its a quick update on your language, academics, or what new sport of the week we are trying.  On occasion I throw in some details on your behaviors and glimpses of how much you have grown or started to change.  For some reason though things have been different these last few weeks.  It is harder to put into words all of the changes and who you are becoming.  It is hard for me to realize the path you are on.

This path scares me.  It is an unknown for me and one that I am sure is going to have a whole new set of bumps along the way.  It seems that we have turned a pivotal corner in our relationship and in your view of the world. You have a system of trust now, a new walk of confidence, and a self-motivation I have not seen before.  All of this has allowed you to express yourself and start to find your nitch in the world around you.  I am not sure if this will all make sense to you, until now I have always talked about your progress, but the look in your eyes is different.  I am not afraid that we will turn around tomorrow and lose all that you have conquered.  I no longer live in fear that you will wake up tomorrow and have that lost and distant look in your eyes.  Today I live in the moment but also with a different fear, a fear that one day I might truly be able to let you spread your wings.  I am in fear that I can't keep up with you, challenge you, and provide for what may be around the next corner.

This past week, with the Thanksgiving holiday upon us, you held your head high and were never phased.  Nancy and Terry were in town for almost a week yet you did not miss a beat in showing them how you have changed and your personality.  You accepted change this week, different environments, foods, people, and interactions. You went with the flow, kept your emotions in line, and used your voice to be heard.  You were cuddly, loving, funny, persistent, stubborn, and a wound up ball of energy.  You allowed others to see the side of you that I see on a regular basis.  You allowed yourself to enjoy the moment and to simply be who you are without all the walls around you.

These past few weeks have guided us down the next path past the fork in the road. You have decided upon a direction to take and you will continue to thrive and overcome all that stands in your way.  This is not to say we won't have our moments, I mean you are a typical little kid in so many ways that I am sure we will continue to have our battle of the wills, but these wars will not be as hard.  They will not be over the trust and confidence that you have recently found. They will not be based upon your fears.  Instead, these battles will be about you continuing to grow. You trying to fly a little to early and me still holding on. I am afraid to let go but I also know you are telling me that you are ready for a little more.  I can promise you that I am trying and that I am ready to see the next chapter in our amazing adventure.

Keep on Truckin
Love
Mom

As The Leaves Change Colors So Do You

This fall has been emotional one for me as I watch you grow and change.  You are growing up before my eyes and right now it is happening at such a fast pace that even I am overwhelmed.  I cannot imagine what is going on in your little head.  I often times look into your eyes and see glimpses of the future.  I see the spark that will carry you far, the fear that will continue to hold you back, and the spirit that nothing will hold you down.

There are days when you look so innocent.  Days that remind me that your life really did just start a little over two years ago when I brought you home.  You are playful, without a care in the world, and greet each challenge as an adventure.

Then there are days you look wise beyond your years.  Days that remind me of the past you have endured, the pain you have suffered, and how much of a challenge each new morning is to you.  It is these days that you process the world and take in what is occurring around you far more seriously then any eight year old little boy should.

As strange as it may sound though, it is when I see the second of these two that I know you are going to be okay.  That you will continue to thrive in all that you try to accomplish, you will continue to conquer the world, and most importantly you will be able to overcome your past.  You are starting to allow yourself to process and heal.  By doing this you are also allowing the walls to fall down beneath you.

This fall you have allowed yourself to be successful in so many different parts of your life.  Academically you are soaring through material and continue to amaze us. I never imagined that I would be researching reading and spelling curriculums for you at this point but they will arrive next week!   Your language has changed and now you are more interested in labeling and commenting on the world around you then asking permission to do things.  You are obsessed with Elmo and Mickey Mouse, what little boy doesn't go through that phase though? :)  Your self help skills have also shown a drastic improvement which not only helps you but me.  You are so close to now being able to shower yourself and also brush your own teeth. On top of this, your understanding of what others are saying to you and around you is also constantly growing.

What I love watching is the look of pride and accomplishment on your face as you complete these tasks and move forward.  You have found the internal motivation that you were missing for so long and it is now the driving force to your success, not me.  You are finally living life on your terms and loving it.  I cannot wait to see what each day holds for you.

Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mom

Ticka Ticka Ticka Treat

I will admit, probably one of the most adorable sayings you have.  You fully understand Halloween and love the holiday.  I do have to laugh though because Halloween is the one holiday we did not celebrate growing up.  Your grandmother didn't feel it was a Christian holiday, funny how she choose this to be her hang up if you knew her, so your Uncle Mike and I each received a bag of candy and a trip to the movies every year.  On occasion she would try a crazy idea like the "Halloween" at the church where you had to dress as something God created - I vividly remember her hand sewing cotton balls onto my sweatshirt and sweatpants so I could go as a cloud.  Yup, I was just as much of a little shit then as you are now!  All of this aside though your first year home Sally and the gang would not let you miss Halloween so off we went.  It only took a matter of minutes that first night for you to catch on and somehow, you, being supposedly nonverbal, quickly learned to say "ticka ticka ticka treat."

This year we grabbed the cheapest costume off the shelf and as soon as you put it on you smiled and announced "It's Halloween!" "Candy!" Umm... okay, since when did you learn the names for your holidays or that dressing up meant Halloween?  Oh how much you take in that I forget to give you credit for.

The past two years you have had your little gang by your side and took their lead.  It was different this time around.  It was just you and I and I think a little bit of reality settled in and you missed your buddies.  It took us three attempts to get going as you wanted to chase down other groups of children and then cried when it wasn't who you thought it was.  It seemed that you wanted, and needed, the comfort of your group.  On our third attempt though I saw the spark in your eyes as you tripped up the stairs and yelled "Ticka Ticka Ticka Treat" before you even rang the doorbell.  I couldn't help but smile as I saw you grow just a little bit more.

This Halloween I was also able to step back and realize a few more things things you have learned.  You knew the difference between lights on and lights off and that you could only go to houses that had their lights on.  You minded all of your P's and Q's with a sweet "please" and "thank you" at every house.  This year you understand the concept of "take one" but found a variety of different ways to get around this - you tried one in each hand, them handing you one and you taking one, one of each kind of candy, one in your bucket and one in your mouth, and, my favorite, one for each time you rang the doorbell.  Lucky for you it was cold and rainy and very few people were out so the people were very generous.

Overall a very successful holiday and I look forward to do it all over again next year!

Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mom

Game On

Baseball - Spring 2012

 Hockey - Fall 2012

Keep On Truckin Baby

Love

Mom

Scientific Equation

Lets be honest, you still have a long way to go and I am not blind to where you are today but the world around you is opening up their eyes and seeing that you hold a whole world of potential inside.  Over the last two years you have struggled with colors, shapes, numbers, associations, and other foundational concepts.  You have refused to show those around you that you have been taking it all in and that you do understand cause and effect.  You have refused to allow yourself to succeed and be pushed to the next level.

All of the sudden you have decided to change.  You have finally demonstrated that you do know these foundational skills and that you also know so much more.  You are taking after your Uncle Mike and Aunt Suzanna with a passion for science.  In less then a week you learned what a beaker, thermometer, scale, hand lens, and ruler are and most of their functions.  You also have a grasp on the five senses and how each body part helps you explore the world around you.  With this, you still would prefer not demonstrate that you actually know what your head is or that you understand when someone says "blow a kiss" but honestly this is just you being stubborn.  It is almost as if you feel the simple goals are below you and until we challenge you, as with science, you do not feel as if you need to answer.

For two years teachers have worked on your identifying the letter B which has made me crazy, and you insane, but in the last two four weeks you have learned uppercase and lowercase letters A-L.  You are starting to match sight words to pictures, label pictures in books, and participating in computer programs.  You are recognizing money, working on the calendar, and continuing to master your manipulation skills.

On top of this your language continues to grow and with that your personality is showing through.  I have a feeling within the next year you are going to keep me on my toes even more then you do now.  Yesterday on the playground I told you "gentle" as we were running around. You proceed to look at me and say, "I'll show you gentle" and then pull my hair.  Hmmm.... is it true that I only have myself to blame for the little man you are becoming?!  At hockey practice you told the coaches to "go play" and "go away" because you wanted to skate with the girls.  You tell me "you go" when you do not want me in your room and so much more.

We still have a long way to go.  You are still your own worst enemy when it comes to compliance and actually making learning easy.  You give your therapists a run for their money and it is a miracle that they have not quite on us yet.  If you are able to to learn at this rate and acquire these skills with all the behaviors you are so nicely sharing with us, then image what all you are capable of if you would just sit down and listen!  I guess you wouldn't be my little hot mess though if you played by the rules.

I love you baby
Keep on Truckin
Mom

Should Have Known

Often times I go back and read what I have written to you in the past.  It helps remind me of how far you have come and also where we still need go.  A lot has happened in the last two weeks in our world and after reading through the letters to you from last month I should have known what was coming.

The big news and change is that as of this week you are officially home schooled.  Yup, I know how confusing this must be for you.  We picked up from Virginia and moved over 400 miles away to a place where we did not have a support system or a clue what would be around the next corner, specifically for a school that I thought would meet your educational and language needs.  I was filled with hope and promises and I so badly wanted to see you in an environment that understood you and would challenge you.

I remember sitting in one of the very first IEP meetings we had for you in VA and Nancy actually came with me as my second set of ears.  I sat there and tried to explain to them the little boy I saw that was hiding behind the walls and my hopes for you in their school.  Most importantly though I remember Nancy, with tears in her eyes, explaining to them that they could not let you regress.  That you had already made so many gains and they could not let you slip away.

Well, unfortunately they did allow you to slip and I believed that coming to Ohio would provide an educational setting that would only allow your feet to move in a forward motion.  As I have told you before though, I have discovered we are in Ohio for so many more reasons and the school is not a part of our future but provided us the leap of faith we needed at the time to embark on this adventure.

Since moving to Ohio our relationship has grown immensely.  We have always had a special bond from the moment we met but since our move we have become more in sync then ever.  I watched this weekend and could not believe how much you have grown physically and developmentally.  You are now a little man, missing four teeth, and growing like a weed.

Your language has exploded thanks to the help of our wonderful speech therapist who has never given up on you and continued to push through your escapades.  What we are discovering, as we always suspected, is that your own language and jargon is actually real words that are slowly being shaped into the english language.

Socially, which has always been your strongest area, continues to impress those around you.  Today at the park you consistently engaged with your friends asking them to come run with you, come sit in a car, play in the sand, swing on the swings, and race down the slide.  You are determined to get and keep their attention and do everything in your power to keep up.

I continue to try to open new doors for you daily. You think you are ready to push them down and speed ahead.  Now is the time to close the gap in your academics.  You are ready for more and need more in order to keep up in all that you try to do.  So, for that reason, your bedroom will now be split and shared as your classroom and your therapists have become members of our family as they spend so many hours here.

Honestly, I am excited and cannot wait to see you tackle the academics that so many have been afraid to push and I am also scared to hold it all in my hands.  Reality though, I have tried to hand over the control to the school, actually 4 different schools to be exact, and none of them have stepped up to the plate.  None of them them have seen the spark in your eyes.  Now that you are starting to believe in your own potential you needed a team of individuals who believed in you and saw all of you that is awaiting to be unlocked.  We have found that team and I am thrilled to see what tomorrow brings.

Keep on Truckin
Love
Mom

6 + 2 = 3??? - Wait a Minute

So I guess I should start by telling you that math was never my favorite subject in school nor is it yours but I really do have a rationale explanation to this equation.

For all intensive purposes, with a little rounding, you were six the year I adopted you.  You had spent almost all of the first six years of your life in the less the desirable conditions.  And now, you have spent the last two years in my arms.  So technically, yes, you turned a whopping 8 years old yesterday! I started to think that I could not believe you were eight and where has time gone....

Well, the truth is, in my eyes and in your own eyes you are not 8.  Today, you are more of a happy go lucky three year old always looking for your next adventure and constantly finding new trouble to get into.  As I have told you before, when you first arrived home even though you were almost six years old you really had the skills of a 10-11 month old baby.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into and all the twists and turns our life would take.  Today though, watching you bounce around me, your developmental age is more of a three year old and you are aging everyday.

So, in my world, in our world together, 6 years of life before you became my forever child plus two years of life with me equals an amazing three year old little boy!  Which, lets be honest, means you are ahead of schedule developmentally!!! Since your life did not start until two years ago and the first time you experienced the world around you was just two years ago I am beyond pleased that you are overall on track with a typically developing three year old.

Now don't get me wrong baby you do have some skills that are well beyond those of your three year old peers and other skills that might be slightly lacking but what is most important is the little man I see today.  You have a face of innocence but yet a look in your eyes well beyond your years.  With everyone that works with you, you end up teaching them more about themselves and about the world they once thought they understood then they end up teaching you.  What is amazing though is that you do this all without talking.

Some people may ask me how I know you have a sense of humor, how I know you are happy, or how I know that you are taking in the world everyday that you wake up and get out of bed.  Simply put, once you see the look in your eyes how could someone not see all these things.  You have discovered that it is hilarious to make animal noises at the most inappropriate times.  That if you watch those around you long enough you can start to play games on them and just smile and walk away once you get their attention. That you pick people out of crowd who just need a smile to make their day.

The world has accepted you for who you are.  People around us cannot help but smile when you bounce into a room and break it down with your beat boxing (against my better judgement), and more importantly people have started to see the spark right before you act upon a very thought-out high level of manipulation.

You have a giggle that echos and a smile that even you are in love with. You cannot get enough of watching yourself in mirrors and obtaining the attention of those around you.  Your pretend play has exploded and your new best friend... yup, thats right, its Elmo!

Today I could not be more proud of the young man you becoming. Even though you fight the world on so many levels you have accepted and grown on so many others.  I cannot wait to see what this year holds for us and how old you will be next year on your birthday.

Keep on Truckin
Love
Mom