Just One of The Boys

Words can not express how proud I am of you. Not that I do not realize the small accomplishments everyday that you get out of bed and every night as I tuck you in, but tonight you walked onto the lacrosse field, your head held high, stick in hand, and never looked back. You took a deep breath and off you went, just one of the boys, leaving me in the dust!

You ran around with all the other little ones, keeping up to the best of your ability, and cheering on your teammates. Yet again you showed me how much of a little showman you will be and how much personality you have for the world. I am not quite sure the world is fully ready for you when you do finally let down your walls but we are getting there and today was a huge step. I am so very proud of you for all you have accomplished baby.

Keep on Truckin'
Love
Mom

Accepted

Accepted... Moving up and moving on - exploring the next chapter

Do you realize that it has almost been one year since I met you. That as of next week it will be one year since I received the wonderful email that I had been matched and the process would begin to move you home and I could come and meet you!

Little did I know where we would be today. Nothing could be planned even though I tried to plan everything and anything that I did think I had figured out you quickly reminded me that I knew absolutely nothing about what I was getting myself into. I vividly remember the first time I tried to take you for a walk around the block with the puppies. It was actually your first day home and after 45 minutes to get your shoes on I took a deep breath and out the door we went - needless to say by the time we got to Anna and Ellie's house, just five houses down, they felt so sorry for me they quickly got dressed and caught up to us to help finish out the walk and make it around the block. The puppies were terrified, you were screaming, your knees were bleeding from falling and I began to realize that I had no idea what we were going to do next.

Here we are though and this week you were accepted to the Boyd school. This is a private Montessori school close to home. We have done a tour and you have done a trial day there. The school really put a lot of thought into whether they thought they could meet your needs and if you were a fit for the Montessori style. Needless to say, who doesn't love you when they meet you and I received the phone call that they would love to have you. It is not a completely done deal, we need to look at the aspects such as financial aid and schedules but it does show both of us we are moving up and moving on. You will not go back to Loudoun County public schools this year and although I cannot promise it yet, I do not see it as an option for next year either. The Boyd school sees your potential and personality and they want you to be a part of their community - so, I hope they know what they are getting into because here you come and I am sure you will make your presence known.

I am extremely excited with your progress the first three weeks of the full home school schedule. You are showing so much and even though continue to test limits are adjusting to the fact that you have 8 people coming in and out of the house for over 40 hours a week of school. It is your job right now and you are not only learning your ABC's, colors, shapes, numbers, etc... but you are learning flexability, tolerance, patience, and, I am sure, more manipulation :)

Well baby, I am off to bed - you continue to wear me out but I am so excited to see where this next chapter takes us.

Keep on truckin'

Time For An Update

Time flies when your having fun... or when we are running around like chickens with our heads cut off :) I am not even sure where to start, as I have said before, and will always say, you certainly do keep me on my toes.

Homeschooling has gone well for the first two weeks. You are extremely tired by Friday afternoons after all the different people coming in to work with you but you have really been hanging in there. You have shown us that you know more then you let on to, which we have always expected, and that it really does all depend on your mood. I personally have learned and am trying hard to understand the emotional side to you.

Going into adoption I knew that you would have an emotional past and that some things would be easier then others, I just never realized fully the extent that the emotional side would play. I realized there would be tantrums, people you would trust, and moments of tears but I guess I never realized that academics and language would be so tied in also. I never considered the possibility of selective mutism, or that you would not show your academic strengths until you trusted all those around you. The flashbacks are becoming more often. Not that you can verbally describe these to me but I see it in your face. You become pale, a look of dear in the headlights, circles under your eyes, and a cry that breaks the heart of all. As much as we try to protect you from these, to hold you and comfort you through them, it is something you have to work though, with all of our love and support. For this reason, I know I can not put you back in school right now. You need more time to heal and to feel comfortable in your own shoes. You need to develop trust and confidence not only in the people around you but in yourself and in your immediate environment. When this happens another wall will come down and look out world because you will be a force to be wreakin' with.

You have days where we do not see any behaviors. Where you smile and laugh hysterically all day long and these are days of healing. Days where you can take a deep breath and engage and interact in all that you do. Often these are also the days where you shock us with your language. You give us this look like "haha fool, look at all the hoops I get you to jump through just to get me to tell you a color" :) - the moments where we sit back and just laugh. You truly are a character. You were blessed with so much personality and so much desire in life. I picture you being an entertainer, center of attention, thriving off the adrenaline of those around you. Using your past as to influence and educate others and never letting go what has made you who you are today.

First Lacrosse Practice :)

All the Possibilities

Well, there is way to much to catch up on tonight so I will save it for a later post but here are some pictures to show all the fun we have been having. They are from your adoption party (yes, finally my son!), and of course, your first lacrosse practice.. Yes, I am a little ambitious but at least if you fall at lacrosse you have plenty of protection..... I promise to update more baby, but it is time for rest now.......

Love you more today then yesterday
Mommy

Opening New Doors and Discovering New Possibilities

Everyday a new door opens for you. You seem to discover a new part of life and take great joy in your accomplishments. We have allowed you to open and close these doors on your own time and to communicate to us, in whatever language it might be, your likes and dislikes. It is time though that I need to start opening some of the doors. That I start creating opportunities for you and that I start finding different possibilities.

One thing is for sure - you do not fit into any mold or box. We cannot say exactly what your disability is except that you have multiple disabilities - the most important your emotional state. The more I watch you grow and develop and the way you acquire skills the more I realize that your own emotional wall will always be your biggest barrier. That you need an environment where you feel completely safe and secure being who you are and where you feel you fit in. Where you can trust everyone that you come in contact with and know that your past life is behind you. I will not be able to protect you in this way forever or keep emotional triggers away from you but right now, your emotional well being needs to be the number one priority.

Recently, school is not an emotional safe place for you. Something has happened and your actions show us you do not feel safe anymore. It could be as simple as someone looks like somebody from your past but whatever the reason may be it has greatly impacted you in that environment. So, it is time we look at other possibilities and that I need to discover all the options we really have in front of us.

I have always wondered if the public school system would be able to meet your needs. When you first came home my goal was to home school for at least two years. To allow you to trust and feel safe in the home environment and to also let us get a better idea of where you were and make up for a lot of lost ground. You quickly showed me though that you thrived off of your peers and you needed more interaction then a home school environment could give you. The private preschool had its ups and downs and so I took a jump and placed you in the public school system, I even then took a job in the public school system so I could give you more of the support you needed. But my gut is telling me this is still not the best placement for you. Your actions have told me this also. It is just a matter of where do we even start to turn to next for next year.

As I said, you thrive off of your peers so self-contained programs for children with disabilities or private schools only for children with disabilities are not an option for us. This means we are looking at private schools for typically developing children and then providing you with a shadow in order to support you behaviorally and academically. Lets be honest though, a lot of private schools are not going to be open to this option and they have that right not to accept a child with special needs, especially as demanding as yours can be depending on the day. We have a to find a school where you feel safe, where a shadow will be allowed, and where they will give you a fighting chance instead of just thinking you can't do it.

So, we will be opening new doors and discovering new possibilities. All of these doors are going to have their ups and downs and pros and cons but we will find you the right fit and the right environment where you feel safe enough to show the world all that you are holding inside of you.

Love you Baby
Mom

You Can Stop Growing Any Time Now

Ummm.. Yeah, I think it is time we slow down the growth Spurt.

Picture #1: April 2010 when we first met
Picture #2: June 2010 when we went to visit Jenny in Ohio (one month after coming home)
Picture #3: September 2010 your birthday (four months after coming home)
Picture #4: December 2010 Christmas (seven months after coming home)
Picture #5: February 2011 Aquarium (nine months after coming home)