Time For An Update

Time flies when your having fun... or when we are running around like chickens with our heads cut off :) I am not even sure where to start, as I have said before, and will always say, you certainly do keep me on my toes.

Homeschooling has gone well for the first two weeks. You are extremely tired by Friday afternoons after all the different people coming in to work with you but you have really been hanging in there. You have shown us that you know more then you let on to, which we have always expected, and that it really does all depend on your mood. I personally have learned and am trying hard to understand the emotional side to you.

Going into adoption I knew that you would have an emotional past and that some things would be easier then others, I just never realized fully the extent that the emotional side would play. I realized there would be tantrums, people you would trust, and moments of tears but I guess I never realized that academics and language would be so tied in also. I never considered the possibility of selective mutism, or that you would not show your academic strengths until you trusted all those around you. The flashbacks are becoming more often. Not that you can verbally describe these to me but I see it in your face. You become pale, a look of dear in the headlights, circles under your eyes, and a cry that breaks the heart of all. As much as we try to protect you from these, to hold you and comfort you through them, it is something you have to work though, with all of our love and support. For this reason, I know I can not put you back in school right now. You need more time to heal and to feel comfortable in your own shoes. You need to develop trust and confidence not only in the people around you but in yourself and in your immediate environment. When this happens another wall will come down and look out world because you will be a force to be wreakin' with.

You have days where we do not see any behaviors. Where you smile and laugh hysterically all day long and these are days of healing. Days where you can take a deep breath and engage and interact in all that you do. Often these are also the days where you shock us with your language. You give us this look like "haha fool, look at all the hoops I get you to jump through just to get me to tell you a color" :) - the moments where we sit back and just laugh. You truly are a character. You were blessed with so much personality and so much desire in life. I picture you being an entertainer, center of attention, thriving off the adrenaline of those around you. Using your past as to influence and educate others and never letting go what has made you who you are today.