Catching Up

Wow!  I cannot believe that I have not written to you since September.  There have been some pretty amazing moments in the last three months and I have no clue where to begin.  Our lives are changing daily and you are growing so much.

Lets begin with September... M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!  Thats right, your dream came true and you had a private meeting with Mickey Mouse!  We had a wonderful vacation with family in California and of course part of that trip was spending time in Disney and California Adventure.  To see your face light up when Mickey walked into the room was absolutely priceless and a moment we will never forget.

It was so nice to be able to spend time with family and allow them to get to know you a little better.  It is one thing to hear about you through the blog or phone calls but it is a whole other adventure to spend a week with you running around...

Also in September we had to continue to look towards the future and I had to make a very difficult decision.  You were thriving in the home school environment academically but you were not getting the social interaction you so desperately wanted and you needed.  I had to weight the pro's and con's of your academic success, social success, and behavioral control.  Since the beginning of summer you had been the most stable I had ever seen you. You had limited self-injury, were using your communication device, continuing to expand your expressive language, and overall just content with the world around you.  As much as it killed me to rock this boat I honestly felt it was the best decision for you.

After much research, prayer, and thought, you started in a new school at the end of September.  You are now attending a very small district (Grandview Heights) that has one school at each level and only 1,000 students total.  Basically we have a private school feel in a public district.  I continue to hold my breath every day that I drop you off and worry about you daily.  I know you are capable of succeeding in this environment but it is requiring a great deal of patience for everyone involved.  You have already had many great moments and more success in this school then we have seen in the past and we could not have asked for a better community!  The peers are wonderful and want to engage with you, they are curious, and they are understanding.  I see so many opportunities in your future.  To see you with your peers at school and when they come over shows me we made the right decision and you are right where you are supposed to be at this time.  

Of course you still work hard to find your place in the community also.  You have continued with hockey this year and I could not be more proud watching you on the ice.  Slow and steady wins the race but you try so hard. You played in your first tournament in November in Pittsburg and we have many more to come.  On top of this you also joined Cub Scouts.  I am not sure I am up for the camping that we will be doing but for you I will step out of my comfort zone and try.... You will owe me big time for this when you get a little older!

I am so proud of you and all that you do.  You continue to put yourself out there everyday and work hard to step up to the challenges that are put in front of you.  You great each day with a new smile on your face and even though at times you get a little feisty and have your moments you have come so far in such a short period of time.  I love the adventure of raising you and cannot wait to see what is around the next turn.

Keep on Truckin'

Love

Mom

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the most determined, passionate, and amazing boy!  I cannot believe that today we celebrated your 9th birthday and how far you have come.  Between horseback riding, a party for your classmate, and a celebration for you with your buddy Addison it has been more then a busy day.

With all of this though my mind has wandered and I cannot help but think today is not the day we should be celebrating. This is a difficult concept to explain to you and I hope that as you grow and mature you will understand where I am coming from.  Nine years ago today you were brought into this world and if it were not for that moment you would not be my forever child.  For this I am grateful and I know you were meant to be my son.  I love every bit of your personality, your determination, your desires in life, and every little characteristic of who you are.  I know that some of this comes from you biological parents such as your deep passion for music, your button nose, and your endearing smile.  But I was not there nine years ago.  I was not there for the first five years of your life to celebrate with you, encourage you, and be your rock and foundation.

However, I was there 3.5 years ago when you walked into my life and began to teach me what is really important and what the world is all about.  I was there to see you learn to walk up and down stairs independently.  I was there to hear you say your first words, to hear you say "I love you" for the first time, and to hear you contagious giggle.  I was there to see you try some of your first foods, use utensils for the first time, and to experience your "happy feet" when you allow your happiness and energy to take the better of you.  I have been the one to wipe away your tears, fix your boo-boo's, and allow you explore the world around you.  I have witnessed your successes with climbing, teaching you to ride a scooter, and watching you play ice hockey for the first time.  Everyday I have had the joy of watching you experience a new adventure, conquer a fear, and master a new skill.

You see, in all honesty, while you were born 9 years ago today your life did not start until May of 2010 when you boarded the airplane from Idaho and came home.  Neither of us could have ever imagined how much our lives would have changed and where we would be today, but it is our life and what we have created together as a family.

So while today is your birthday and I will always acknowledge this day and celebrate it as part of your past and where you come from,  the true celebration of life is your "Gotcha Day."  We will throw our parties, invite our friends, and dance until the sun goes down every May in celebration of your birth with me and our life together.

I could not be more proud of who you are today and the young boy you have become.  You have recently grabbed ahold of life and you are now steering your own destiny. Instead of you chasing me I am now running to keep up with you.

Keep On Truckin
Love
Mom

Sippin On Sweet Lemonade

I don't really know why but "Sippin On Sweet Lemonade" seems to sum up our life right now. This summer has proven to be one of growth, acceptance, and discovery for you.  I watched you become grounded in the world around you, seeking new adventures, and exploring more then ever.  In the past when you have taken three steps forward in one area there has always been another that has taken two steps back.  Recently though, all the pieces have started to come together at the same time and allow you, and I, to enjoy the moment.

This summer you trusted others enough to enjoy weeks of summer camp....

This summer you explored enough to see the world from a different view....

This summer you relaxed enough to enjoy your friendships....

This summer you were confident enough to truly enjoy the little moments life has to offer....

This summer you grew enough to make a new friend....

This summer has been about learning, loving, and living. You continue to teach me more daily then I ever thought I needed to know and you remind me daily the importance of slowing down to enjoy the moment.  You have shown me this summer that you ready for the next phase of our life and that you are ready to spread your wings even more.  Your perseverance, determination, and personality continue to allow you to soar and the sky is your limit.

Keep On Truckin'

Love

Mom

Friends Forever

I have been meaning to post these pictures for some time now.  No matter where you are in life you will never forget about your three favorite little people.  I cannot wait for the day that you can tell them how much they mean to you to and how much they have helped you, but for now, the look on your face in some of these pictures says it all.  This was a fun day at the winery a few months ago...

Starting with my favorite... Just a little boy time...

And then a little Heart To Heart with your first girlfriend...

Sweet and Innocent

Whats mine is yours and yours is mine... 

Trouble with a capital T

Priceless (Gap Commercial Anyone?)

Sisterly Love

If only we knew your inside jokes

What would be a day at the winery without a game of spoons?

You will always look up to and admire all that they do

Keep on Truckin Baby

Love

Mom

Dewey Beach 2013

So I am a little late on this one but a picture is worth a thousand words.... We had an amazing time at the beach for vacation.  It is hard to believe that this was your third trip to Dewey Beach but based upon your reaction this is the first one you will remember.

Light of my life - A smile to light up the world - Your face says it all

It only took you a few days to figure out how to fill the bucket with water. By the end of the week you had me convinced me to buy you a bigger bucket so you could make less trips back and forth to your tent

So full of yourself - You could make yourself laugh for hours and bring a smile to anyones face who walks by

Surfs Up Dude!  Needless to say this picture was taken right as a wave took you under but it was a nice photo shoot!

Uncle Michael and Aunt Suzanna came to join us for a few days.  Don't worry baby, I promise Michael will grow on you....

Who needs a leash when you have a towel?? I promise you were both laughing

You ate more sand during the week then any child should!  You thought it was cool to dip your fruit in the sand before you ate it... oh well, boys will be boys!

Looking for shells

You quickly learned it was easier to get us to look for your shells for you versus you actually doing it yourself.

Superman!  You are my little HERO!

I cannot wait for our next adventure
Keep On Truckin
Love
Mom

New Emotions

For the first time I have honestly been angry with your biological parents.  Maybe this is not fair of me... maybe I need to remain open minded... maybe I do not know the whole story.  I do my best to write to you with an open mind and an open heart.  Years from now when you look back on this I want you to be able to capture a piece of your childhood, remember the good times, the struggles, and find the parts of adventures that stand out to you. Since my mom has passed I love reading the journal she kept for me and sensing her emotions.  Her pride in me, her support, her love, and, at times, her frustration.  It helps me piece together my past, realize what has helped shape me into the person I am today, and also understand who my mom was and how our relationship grew over time.

I never met your biological parents.  I spent hours upon hours reading through case histories, background information, and court notes.  I read letters from foster parents, guardians, teachers, and different evaluations.  I tried to take in everything that was offered to me and put it all together to understand the little package you were when I adopted you.  Never in my dreams did I know that three years later I would still be figuring it all out and after three long years would I allow my emotions towards your biological parents to overwhelm me.

You see Bryson you are such a unique and special little man with more will, determination, passion, and personality then any one person can handle.  I love you for all of this.  You have made so many great gains and strides that I often go to bed every night wondering what new skill you will show me tomorrow.  Each day is truly an adventure and you have taught me the virtue of patience and the impact of acceptance and understanding.  For some reason I knew this year would be a roller coaster for us and I have been determined to weed through your needs to figure out what our true obstacles are.

Recently, during this process, a new diagnosis was brought to my attention.  Some of your therapists believe you may have Childhood Aphasia.  Aphasia is not something you are born with.  The physical abuse you suffered, self injury that you engaged in, and drug exposure you endured could have damaged part of your brain, specifically the language region.  This would explain your struggle with word recall, apraxia, forgetting steps in sequence, and moments of feeling lost.  This is a diagnosis that could have been prevented, one that you should have never endured, and one that will impact you forever.

You and I have heard a lot of diagnosis over the past three years.  While mentally I know the diagnosis does not matter and we will continue to move forward with high expectations, emotionally I cannot help but be angry.  Currently, you are diagnosed with severe Anxiety which is caused by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, ADHD combined type which can be caused by your exposure to drugs, and now Childhood Aphasia which is caused by your abuse, self injury, and drug exposure.  All of these diagnosis could have been prevented.

I am angry at your biological parents as they have caused your disability.  They are the ones responsible for all you have been through.  I know I have to let go of this.  That I need to move on and just continue to look towards our future and continue to provide you with the love, interventions, and time that you need.

At times I am honestly torn.  Every piece of me believes that you were always meant to be my forever child but if that is true why did you have to suffer the past that you did? If you did not have the past that you did would you still have the strong will, determination, and passion that you do today?  Every moment of our past impacts who we are today and whether good or bad it shapes the person we become - with this though did you have to suffer at the hands and in the house of your biological family?

While I want to live in the present and continue to move forward you are reminded daily of your past through your disabilities.  You struggle to communicate verbally, you become lost in your emotions, and you do not trust anyone except me and at times even trusting me can be a struggle. Through all of this though you have a smile that can light up a room, a giggle that is contagious, and a spark in your eyes that tells me everything is going to be okay.

Today I see a little boy who has finally let his guard down.  Who is experiencing the world around him and trying so hard to keep up. Today I watch a young man who wakes up every morning ready to take on the world and never gives up on what he believes in.  I see strength, courage, and desire in overcoming obstacles that many of us would have backed down from.  I see a boy who has heart and who will overcome his past.   With this though I also see a little boy who is having panic attacks, who suffers from flashbacks, and who emotionally needs an army to keep him stable.

Everyday I am working to teach you to overcome your own anger and emotions from your past. I am working with you on building relationships and finding the balance of trust you need.  You are putting one foot in front of the other to find your place in this world.  I have to let go of my anger that I am carrying for you to allow you to let go of it also.  This does not mean I accept the past you were given but instead that I love the person you are today.  I honestly cannot wait to see what you have in store for me and how you will continue to grow and change.

Keep on Truckin
Love
Mom