Fall Fun

Letting The Cat Out Of The Bag

Well little man mommy has been holding onto a secret. Only our closest friends have known this, and you have known something is going on but it is a little difficult to explain to you at this time. But, next week we will be leaving for Ohio, for good. This was not an easy decision for me to make for us but I had to put your best interest in mind, look at the whole picture, and decide what was going to be the right move for us not only now but for our future.

I have found a wonderful school for you in Columbus Ohio called Helping Hands Learning Center. This is a private school for children with special needs that is fully based upon the principals of ABA therapy. The golden ticket to this school is that they are a LAMP (language acquisition through motor planning) center for excellence meaning that everyone is trained in device usage and teaching language through a device. This is going to be huge for you, your communication, development, and prospects for the future. In addition, their speech therapy team is trained in PROMPT which is a methodology that has worked extremely well for you from your private therapist. As much as your expressive language grows everyday and we hear new phrases and words, there is still a connection missing for you.

It is as if you have this huge brick wall around you and we have been able to move some of the bricks, here and there, and create "peep holes" for you to see the world and interact in small segments but not enough bricks have been removed for you continue to grow and develop. We need the wall to be taken down, for enough bricks in one area to be removed that you can just walk through and fully show us what you are hiding inside.

There are times I wonder if I am reaching for straws. That you have shown us all that you have to offer, and that I love you for it, and that my focus on your education needs to change, but then you continue to thrive even in the worst educational situations. Even when no one in your current school believes that you can speak, that you are potty trained, or that you thrive off peers (and don't just use them for punching bags) you take another giant leap forward in the home or community with a smile on your face, and you show those of us who you trust that you have so much more to offer.

You have shown us just how resilient you can be and I do not think it is fair for me to ask you to continue to bounce back every time school sets you back 50 feet from their inconsistency, lack of methodology, and not seeing the potential you hold. For this reason, I know Helping Hands is a school where you will thrive, where you will love to learn, and an opportunity to remove those bricks that are standing in your way.

Since this is a private special needs school we will find the balance in the community for your peer interactions on evenings and weekends. At school you will receive group and individual physical, occupational, speech, and music therapy. The school is actually huge into music therapy so I am looking forward to this new outlet for you. I know things will not be perfect, there will be an adjustment period, and that change does not happen overnight. What I also know though is that with consistency, and individuals who want to educate you and see all the potential inside of you, you will blow us away with your ability, strength, and one day with all that you have to say!

Here is looking forward to bright and exciting new future.
Keep on Truckin'
Love you
Mom

No Pain No Gain.... Right?

I am so proud of you. Yet again you surpassed one of my expectations. A little over a year ago we went for a bike ride with Nancy and T (look back at journals from last August) and you were still in a baby seat on the back of my bike. We made it that day, you telling me to "go" and just enjoying the wind in your face with no effort needed on your part as you nicely sipped your water.

Well, a year later, we went on this exact same bike ride today. This time though there was no way you were still fitting in that baby seat after growing over 5 inches in the last year so I had the bright idea to rent a trail-a-bike (basically makes my bike into a tandem bike by attaching a bike for you by a long arm). The problem, you don't know how to ride a bike yet. When I envisioned this trail-a-bike I was thinking it was very sturdy, didn't move side to side, and all the balance would come from me. Hahaha, maybe I should have looked into it a little more before we got all the way to Georgetown. It did move side to side, required you to pay attention, balance, and concentrate on holding on. The trail has hills, turns, bumps, and a lot of other people who you, of course, love to say Hi to as we pass.

When I first tried to get you on you cried, screamed, yelled some more, and really didn't seem to have an interest. In all honesty, I probably would not have either and I really didn't know if I could pull you for this long trip and not take both of down. But, you made it. Once we got moving you started to really like it. Instead of just saying "go" this year you pointed out the water to me, the boats, cars, other people on bikes, and the airplanes. It was so nice to spend this time with you today, to relax, not worry about what others and just come back to reality a little bit and continue to marvel in the little man you are becoming.

About five minutes before we were back we did have a little mishap and you fell off the bike. I think you may have dozed off, a long day for you, or you just simply let go, but either way you did take a hard hit cut up your knees, elbows, hands, and some pretty good cuts on your back and shoulder. What amazed me though is your tough as nails attitude and you took a minute to regroup, walked a few feet, and then got right back on the bike to finish the ride. I am sure you will be a little sore tomorrow but no pain, no gain, and we gained so much today :)

Love you baby
Mom

Just a little more support

So, I know you try your hardest. That you wake up each morning, take a deep breath, and never know what will be around the next corner. I want you to live your life, be happy, and take in everything that the world has to offer. I want you to be a kid, make up for lost time, and try your hardest. I push you to your limits, I have expectations, and I watch in amazement as you grow.

Unfortunately we are coming to a time and a place where people are not seeing the growth. They are not seeing the special, unique, and talented young man that you are. They are not seeing the hope, passion, persaverence, and future that you have. They are seeing a child who they are characterizing by his disability. They are afraid of his actions, and they are more interested in moving him on then taking the time to grow with him.

I continue to fight for you. To give you the opportunities you so desperately need in your life and to try my hardest to surround you with people who love and care for you. To give you safety, a sense of security, and an environment to thrive.

School has yet again not followed through on this. I am so sorry that everyday you have to go to environment where you are not understood, where you are not accepted, and where your frustration continues to rise. It pains me to hear you cry as they walk away with you, to know you feel as if you need to be saved from the individuals who are supposed to be educating you, and to know that these individuals do not see the same passion for life you do and do not see the potential that lies inside of you.

I can only ask you to be so resilient. I can only ask you to bounce back and come out of your shell so many times before I will lose you forever and you will remain this child forever locked away behind those longing eyes. I cannot continue to ask you to hang in there for the right person who will understand you to come by to educate you and ask you to wait until I fight one more meeting to hopefully get a document that will support your needs. It should not be dictated by a piece of paper. By one perspective, budget, case manager, or administrator. It should be dictated by your strengths and weaknesses, your abilities, your potential, and the spark in your eyes that tells us what is still hiding inside.

So, for all these reasons, I will continue to look for just a little more support. For the people who can provide you the world broken into pieces that you can understand, build upon, and make your own world from.

I love you
Keep on Truckin
Mom

Thats What Friends Are For

You are still working on pedaling your bike yourself but we have made huge strides.

Yes, that is Anna pushing you with her bike al the way down the sidewalk and you just kinda of hanging out for the ride - but hey, what are best friends for! You live your life for the little crew of three down the street and not sure what you would do without them. They have not only pushed you on your bike but pushed you to new limits everyday in your development. We LOVE Anna, Ellie, and Gavin

Enjoy Baby
Mom

Catching Up

Needless to say it is time for an update on your little life!

Lets see where to begin - on Sunday we had your birthday party and you had 14 other children at your side to help you party. You had the BEST time I have seen in awhile. You had a few little ones from you kindergarten class (a nice step since you have been hitting kids in class). the usual gang from the street, and then some from your social skills group, and swim lessons, and a few others. It was such a nice group and everyone seemed to get along extremely well. We were at Rebounderz which is an indoor trampoline arena where the floors and walls are trampolines. It just opened so not many had been there before and they did a great job of moving through the party and helping the celebration. I was a little nervous, expecting the break down, but it never happened it was as if, for those two hours, all the worries went away and your deficits just disappeared. As we set down to have pizza and cake you said "It's my birthday!" and then right before blowing out the candles, which you were able to do this year, you said "happy birthday." I can't help be smile and am very proud of how well you handled yourself.

Since Wednesday of last week you have been "stable." A relative term but a term I love to hear in this household. The only other time we have seen this was over summer and it happily lasted for about six weeks. I take each day of this calm and happy child in stride, never missing a moment of your smile and giggle. I never know when it might disappear again or when I might loss a piece of you again to cycling. It is not that we don't have our good moments even when your mood is struggling a little, but the child I have had since Wednesday and the child I had over summer is such a gift that never misses a moment of what is front of him. That is playful, creative, and imaginative. A child who wants to please those around him, thrives off of his success, and is taking in the world around him. Most importantly a child who captures the heart of those around him. You are interacting with the world around you instead of watching it through a glass window and this is vital to your future success.

Today was the first day that school saw you "stable" and you had absolutely no behaviors. Given you had been hitting students and staff multiple times per day prior to today and to have a perfect day today was the highlight. They were very proud of you as was I. Hopefully you will continue on this path, but even if we have a few hiccups they have now seen the "other side" and all you have to offer.

You teach me so much everyday and we have continued to grow with each other. I have discovered that one of my favorite activities to do with you is go grocery shopping. Those that know me are probably laughing while I say this baby because cooking is definitely not my thing but you get so excited to help when we are in the store. You want to be the one to get the items off the shelf and put them in the cart. We work on counting if we need multiple items and every know in then you pick up food items that you want that I would forget to buy otherwise. For instance when I turned around this week you were putting boxes of gushers into the cart (Thanks to Linda for introducing you to this candy). I take for granted that you get to make these choices, and that you have preferences, and forget to ask and you are showing me these days that you do have an opinion and it is important.

You and I also enjoy watching football together on Mondays. It is funny to watch you cheer for the redskins and do a little dance when they get a touch-down. I sit here now wishing you didn't have to be asleep in bed because it is a late game and I need my little man to be watching it with me.

By the way, you can stop growing anytime now. I included the picture above of you at the playground as you can see how long your body is and that you have definitely outgrown some of the play sets, whether you like to admit it or not. You have grown about 5 inches, if not a little more, since you came home and if you keep this up you will outgrow me in the near future!

Well shorty, keep on trucking I couldn't be prouder of the little man you are becoming and the challenges you are overcoming.
Love
Mom

Happy Birthday

Wow, you turned 7 today! I cannot believe it as it just seems like yesterday we celebrated your 6th birthday. Tonight we enjoyed a nice family dinner (with Sally the crew and Nancy) and in two weeks we are actually going to attempt a real birthday party. I have some apprehension about this, I worry about your lack of social skills these days but you deserve a party! We will be going to an indoor trampoline place for a two hour party and your usual crew will be there along with a few students from school. I invited the boys from your classroom to join us so we will see how many are able to make it.

I watched you today and took a deep breath. You have now been home with me half of the time you were in your foster home and as of now you have been out of your biological home as long as you were in it. These are milestones and each year is another year of hope, opportunity, and success for you. You were excited today and bounced your way out of bed and down to my room. I got you a new bike, its more like a trike for older kids, so that we could continue to work on pedaling and guess what, you did pedal! You were also exhausted by the time we got to your presents tonight so I am excited to see you on it again tomorrow.

Things have been a little rough for you lately overall. I don't know if we are going through growing pains, if school is to overwhelming, or if it is just another phase but tantrums are always on the cusp, you are hitting the students in your classroom (something that shocks me and I know you love time with peers so I am not sure what is going on), and now hitting and kicking at home. It is hard not to smile though when you attempt to kick because you did not have the gross motor ability to actually kick just a few short weeks ago. It is definitely an off balance attempt but I have to smile as I know it is another developmental milestone. The hitting is probably a milestone too but unfortunately you will scare off children as you go through this so we need to get rid of that one - and fast.

As I look at the pictures above from Great Country Farm this weekend and from your birthday today I see the change in your body. You are stronger and healthier. You are navigating your environment, jumping, running, climbing, and doing your best to keep up with everyone. You grew five inches last year alone and your strength has vastly improved. I watched you climb on top of the jumping pillow this week while carrying an inflated cow (had to have been there) but you could not of even done that a month ago.


With all this though, and as much hard work as you put into life daily, I hate to tell you that this school environment will not be a good match for you for you. You need such an individualized program and one that focuses heavily on language development. We need a team that can use your AAC device and that is trained in PROMPT to continue to push you forward. A team of individuals that can respect your past and how it impacts you today but help you work through your emotional walls to learning. Now is the window and now is the time to push harder. I am researching private school options and also, with a leap of faith, looking at a private school in Ohio that is based around AAC device use. With careful planning I know we can find the right educational environment for you.

Well baby, I am off to bed. I love you
Keep on Truckin
Mom