It is official, you are Bryson James Murray!
At 8:45 this morning our lawyer called to inform us that the judge signed your final order of adoption this week and everything is signed, sealed, and delivered. We will get our copy this week, order the new birth certificates, close the doors to this part of our life and move on as our forever family! With or without the paperwork I have known since the moment I met you that you were my forever child and you had been waiting for me. That we would learn, grow, and explore the world around us together and never look back.
My heart dropped when I listened to the news and a felt as if a weight has been lifted off our shoulders. The news I have been waiting to hear.. finally! I cried a little but tears of joy - you were in the bath tub (where you like to spend a good deal of times these days) and I just smiled at you and said "you are officially Bryson James Murray - welcome to the family!" Its hard to explain and describe what all of this means. The years of waiting for this day and the roller coaster of a ride it has been to get here. I know God has plans for both of us. That it really is out of our hands and life happens on its own time when everything falls into place and as we have seen with the entire adoption process, nothing we can do can make it happen faster or in a different way. The adventure had to lead me to you. I went to Uzbekistan and back, worked my way through an agency in Montana, held on to a brief bit of hope in Maine, and then finally found my way to Idaho in order to hold you in my arms. Who would have thought that the little boy I saw on a webpage sitting with his older sister would one day land himself into my arms and curled up in my heart forever? Who would have thought that a child who had fallen through the cracks for so many years would be the light of the life for so many he encountered? Who would have thought a child could have so much life, personality, and spunk after all he had been through? Well, you saved it all for me. You knew you would find yourself in the hands of a family and you knew you had so much to offer the world it was worth fighting for. And you knew all that spunk you have offer would be paybacks for my childhood days :) We are two peas in a pod who like to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders but are both learning everyday to let down our guard, trust those around us, and simply enjoy our lives together and today was another stepping stone on that path.
I look back at paperwork, and pictures, and think about the process it has been on occasion and once I spoke with the social workers in Idaho about you it all happened so smoothly (minus missing a flight to pick you up) and quickly that I don't think either of us had to time to think. You were legally free for adoption in January of 2010. I submitted my home study and letter of interest on March 22nd, 2010. On March 31st, 2010 I received a phone call and email that the selection committee had met and I was selected - that I was matched with my son. On April 13th, we received confirmation that both Idaho and Virginia approved the adoption (the say that it was the fastest approval they have ever seen). On April 19th, 2010 I arrived in Idaho and laid eyes on you for the first time and fell in love with you. Then, May 13th, 2010 you finally came home. I have to tell you baby, that is very fast compared to what I have seen and worked through in the past. So today, January 22nd, 2010 we have been told that the process is finalized, only 8 months after you arrived home and less then a year after I met you. I will find out what actual day the judge signed the degree but really we have always known nothing could separate us once you arrived home.
I know you do not completely understand all that happened today, the relief, the giant steps forward, and the security that this means, but I do know you realized, a long time ago, that this was final. When we walked through security at the airport in Idaho you suddenly had a new name, a new life, and there was no looking back. You took everything in stride and in all honesty accepted what was placed in front of you. Not that you don't have your moments and I see the times you take a few seconds of reflection but you are allowed that. You are allowed to take in the world around you, to see, to hear, and to absorb all that is occurring. You are allowed to simply be Bryson James Murray!
I love you baby and I cannot wait to start this next chapter of our lives
Mommy
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
"Boen.. is no more"
So my little man, you and I had a little conversation while you were in the bath this morning.
You: "My mommy...."
Me: "Bryson"
You: "Boen is no more..."
Me: COMPLETELY DUMBFOUNDED "Yes, you are my Bryson" - pause "Where's your car?"
I had no clue what to say to you with your smile on your face. Not only did you completely shock me with what you said, its one of our first true conversations about it. Your language has exploded recently and I never expected that to come out - I couldn't of imagined it if I wanted to. I don't know if you wanted my confirmation that you are Bryson and you will always be my Bryson or if you were confirming to me that you know you are Bryson and the life you left will never return. It was a moment I will never forget and I will hold very close to me. A moment that shows how your emotional growth, your understanding, and the emotional/mental process you are going through daily. Mind you, less then five minutes before this I had walked in and the conversation was
Me: "Hey baby"
You:" "Heeeyyy"
Me: "Whatcha doing?"
You: "Nothin"
Okay! With this your other new words are "I don't know," "I can do it," "see," "help me," etc. On top of the explosion of you talking you are mastering the iPad faster then I can find new buttons to put in it for you. I feel that there are still one or two doors we have not found our key to yet. A wall here and there that still is standing strong but dear God child you are amazing and have come so far in eight months.
In eight months you have gained 12.5 pounds, grown two shoe sizes, and gone from a 3T clothes to a 5/6. You are eating me out of house and home - anything that is presented you inhale and we are trying to curb this a little although you are just a growing boy!
I have also come to the conclusion that nothing will stand in your way. When I registered you for lacrosse my mindset was I would be lucky if you were the team mascot :) now I know you will surprise us all and may actually get to play in a game. We are all always looking for new ways to challenge you and to keep pushing you.
One of the things I love most about watching you grow is you are going through all the developmental stages. Sometimes when there is so much ground to make up kids skip stages which leaves gaps in their learning. Not to say you are hitting all the stages in the right order but we have gone through the terrible twos, we have continue to go through bonding, you curling up in my lap, we have gone through stuffed animals, security blankets, only playing with cars, to now having play dates, joining sports teams, true defiance, and spreading your wings.
As always, I cannot wait to see what tomorrow holds because it is always a new adventure.
Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mommy
You: "My mommy...."
Me: "Bryson"
You: "Boen is no more..."
Me: COMPLETELY DUMBFOUNDED "Yes, you are my Bryson" - pause "Where's your car?"
I had no clue what to say to you with your smile on your face. Not only did you completely shock me with what you said, its one of our first true conversations about it. Your language has exploded recently and I never expected that to come out - I couldn't of imagined it if I wanted to. I don't know if you wanted my confirmation that you are Bryson and you will always be my Bryson or if you were confirming to me that you know you are Bryson and the life you left will never return. It was a moment I will never forget and I will hold very close to me. A moment that shows how your emotional growth, your understanding, and the emotional/mental process you are going through daily. Mind you, less then five minutes before this I had walked in and the conversation was
Me: "Hey baby"
You:" "Heeeyyy"
Me: "Whatcha doing?"
You: "Nothin"
Okay! With this your other new words are "I don't know," "I can do it," "see," "help me," etc. On top of the explosion of you talking you are mastering the iPad faster then I can find new buttons to put in it for you. I feel that there are still one or two doors we have not found our key to yet. A wall here and there that still is standing strong but dear God child you are amazing and have come so far in eight months.
In eight months you have gained 12.5 pounds, grown two shoe sizes, and gone from a 3T clothes to a 5/6. You are eating me out of house and home - anything that is presented you inhale and we are trying to curb this a little although you are just a growing boy!
I have also come to the conclusion that nothing will stand in your way. When I registered you for lacrosse my mindset was I would be lucky if you were the team mascot :) now I know you will surprise us all and may actually get to play in a game. We are all always looking for new ways to challenge you and to keep pushing you.
One of the things I love most about watching you grow is you are going through all the developmental stages. Sometimes when there is so much ground to make up kids skip stages which leaves gaps in their learning. Not to say you are hitting all the stages in the right order but we have gone through the terrible twos, we have continue to go through bonding, you curling up in my lap, we have gone through stuffed animals, security blankets, only playing with cars, to now having play dates, joining sports teams, true defiance, and spreading your wings.
As always, I cannot wait to see what tomorrow holds because it is always a new adventure.
Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mommy
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
All I Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarden
An old poem that holds so true for you!
This is not to say that I mean you are learning everything in school because we definitely have our ups and downs with the public school system but it is to say that this year, your Kindergarden year, has truly been a break through opportunity for you. And, as much as we have our battles with school you really have learned so much from your peers and you have such a motivation to go to school everyday. As of today you will be in school full day three days a week and then your extended school day on Tuesday and Thursdays. This schedule, on top of your therapy with Linda and Brittany is going to be a balancing act but definitely a step in the right direction.
You have taught me so much in the last eight months (yes, as of tomorrow you have been home eight months!!) you have taught me to live each day, to let down my guard and not care who might see me dance with you, or make silly sounds. You have taught me to celebrate the small things in life, and most importantly you have taught me to love. It's funny, I thought love would be the easiest of the life lessons, that it occurs immediately and without question -and even though I did fall in love with you from the first day I spent with you and knew we were to be a forever family - you and I have had to learn to truly love each other and it grows stronger everyday. We have both had to test our boundaries to form our trust with each other and we have both had to break down our own walls.
I never realized how many walls I had to break down. How strong my walls had become, and how much your love could change me. I have grown, matured, and learned many of lifes lessons watching you just being you. I have learned acceptance, tolerance, and understanding. I continue to learn patience and perseverance. I cannot explain the importance of these lessons on my life to you. The change within me and how it impacts the way I interact with people, my outlook on life, and our relationship. I cannot thank you enough for those life lessons and I know we will both continue to grow together.
Keep on truckin baby
Love
Mommy
This is not to say that I mean you are learning everything in school because we definitely have our ups and downs with the public school system but it is to say that this year, your Kindergarden year, has truly been a break through opportunity for you. And, as much as we have our battles with school you really have learned so much from your peers and you have such a motivation to go to school everyday. As of today you will be in school full day three days a week and then your extended school day on Tuesday and Thursdays. This schedule, on top of your therapy with Linda and Brittany is going to be a balancing act but definitely a step in the right direction.
You have taught me so much in the last eight months (yes, as of tomorrow you have been home eight months!!) you have taught me to live each day, to let down my guard and not care who might see me dance with you, or make silly sounds. You have taught me to celebrate the small things in life, and most importantly you have taught me to love. It's funny, I thought love would be the easiest of the life lessons, that it occurs immediately and without question -and even though I did fall in love with you from the first day I spent with you and knew we were to be a forever family - you and I have had to learn to truly love each other and it grows stronger everyday. We have both had to test our boundaries to form our trust with each other and we have both had to break down our own walls.
I never realized how many walls I had to break down. How strong my walls had become, and how much your love could change me. I have grown, matured, and learned many of lifes lessons watching you just being you. I have learned acceptance, tolerance, and understanding. I continue to learn patience and perseverance. I cannot explain the importance of these lessons on my life to you. The change within me and how it impacts the way I interact with people, my outlook on life, and our relationship. I cannot thank you enough for those life lessons and I know we will both continue to grow together.
Keep on truckin baby
Love
Mommy
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Reflection
ADOPTIVE MOTHERS POEM
Being an adoptive mother is not for every woman. She must possess not only the natural mother instinct but an understanding and appreciation of the situation that brought a child into her arms making her a mother.
The adoptive family comes to be by choices made, choices made by the first parents and by the adoptive parents. This bond the adoptive mother has with her child grows over time, like the child did within his first mother's womb. Day by day, touch by touch, with each tear, kiss, and memory made they became a family. Adoptive mothers have that special knack to let love grow.
The adoptive mother knows that she is a mender of wounds, not just of the physical skinned knees with a band-aid and a kiss, but of the heart. She gives love, acceptance, and permission to ask and talk about the day he was born and of his first parents. Adoptive mothers are embracers, not only of the child with many hugs and kisses, but of the child's heritage and history.
She embraces the facts of her child's past with strength for herself and the child. She's not only a memory maker planning family vacations, activities, and birthday parties, but also a memorykeeper. She's a tier of shoelaces and of hearts. She weaves lives together into a tapestry of a new family, with many different brightly, colored threads showcasing their individualities and family origins. Together they create one unit attached to each other.
Adoptive mothers are experts at finding lost objects, but understand and validate the profound, deep loss left by adoption. She allows the tears to fall and grief to be felt, allowing the mourning of the mom not there. She is secure in knowing that she's not a replacement, but a finisher of a race for someone who, for whatever reason, could not run any longer.
This role is not for the weak of spirit, or the easily wounded. Loving a child not born to her but calling him her own, but this is what she does, it is her calling. She is a mother.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I try so hard to put myself in your shoes sometimes. To figure out where all the stubbornness comes from. To piece together parts of your past that I really don't have any idea of, and to create new memories for you even though I do not know what your old memories hold. Many times I have to step back and not only realize the progress you have made but realize why you may have your good moments and those not so good times. I work hard at not allowing anyone to accept less then your best and having those high expectations for you and even though they may know your past, it cannot speak for who you are today.
Today you are a bright, amazing child who captures the heart of those he meets. You sly smile and the sparkle in your eyes speaks more then words could ever say to who you are all that you hold inside of you. You truly have this gift that you can put a smile on people's faces and even those that don't know us will stop and tell me what a gorgeous child you are. This is not only because you are quiet the handsome little man but because you carry yourself and portray yourself in such a unique and interesting way with a sense of confidence in yourself and a fearless aspect of the world around you. You have a great determination, whether it be testing those around you or finding a way to get your point across, you are a survivor and that becomes more evident everyday.
You have fought to survive the first few years of your life in less then perfect conditions. A life that would have taken that pride and confidence out of many of us. Where you were locked in a room and denied the simple pleasures of life that help us form our personalities, likes, dislikes, and a sense of being. But yet, as you stand in front of me everyday you show nothing but love and desire to just live life. Such an amazing attribute for you to have that will continue to carry you far in life.
I love you baby and can't wait to see what tomorrow holds
Mommy
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Wow... What A Wonderful Time
Christmas is such an amazing time. For you and I this year it held so much more meaning. Our first Christmas together and I am sure a much different experience then you have had before. During the past few weeks I have been remembering what Christmas was for me growing up. I remember the good times and some of the traditions, the ones I want to pass on to you and then you and I creating some of our own. The "elf" gifts are a tradition I hope we can continue, it was hard for you to understand this year but I am sure that will grow on you as the years go on.
Then, we had the "eye sparklers" under the tree. On top of our Santa gift my mom always had a gift under the tree that she called our "eye sparkler" and that is exactly what it was supposed to do. Light up our faces and be the one big present. The one I remember most for me was when I got my Charlotte Hornets NBA jacket. This year I really thought your electronic drum pad would be your eye sparkler, oh how I was wrong. Your favorite gift was actually a 50 cent notebook that was in your stocking. Nothing special to it but you liked carrying it around and turing the pages. I will definitely keep this in mind next year. You did enjoy many of your gifts today - play doh, puzzles, games, cars, etc...
The other tradition I was bound and determined to carry on this holiday season was my mom's homemade cinnimmon rolls. She made these from scratch every year and I have made them once before with help of others. Well, Friday afternoon I started around noon and finally, at 700 at night we finished the first batch and they worked! It only took me 24 cups of flour and a gallon of milk and a box of butter to finally get the yeast to rise, but persistence paid of off and we had a batch of rolls that you LOVED!
We also started some traditions of our own. I am not sure what these are yet but I am sure I will figure it out later :)
You are such an amazing little boy with so much personality. The spark in your eyes and the playfulness in the activities you do is amazing. You have shown us so many skills that you really do have and you are catching up in so many other areas. The ipad is the key to expressing some of this knowledge and the other is patience. You let us see all that you have on your terms, and as much as I wish this would happen a little faster sometimes, we can't control it.
Very exciting new - I emailed with the local Lacrosse team and they are more then willing to have you join the spring Lacrosse team for your age group! It will be another great opportunity for social interactions and growth. We will work hard on these skills, but the agreement with the league is knowing that you will not be able to play in games until you are ready (which may not happen this season) but you will participate, with me or a therapist, help in all practices, and wear the uniform to support the team on game days! I am very excited about this and really think you will grow as we start this adventure. You are pure muscle these days and I know will be a little athlete as we find the right sport.
Well, baby, this holiday weekend has worn us both out. Off to another week tomorrow and then on Wednesday we will leave to go see Jenny and the kids again. I am sure they will be shocked at your progress and growth as everyone here is each day.
I love you
Merry Christmas
Mom
Then, we had the "eye sparklers" under the tree. On top of our Santa gift my mom always had a gift under the tree that she called our "eye sparkler" and that is exactly what it was supposed to do. Light up our faces and be the one big present. The one I remember most for me was when I got my Charlotte Hornets NBA jacket. This year I really thought your electronic drum pad would be your eye sparkler, oh how I was wrong. Your favorite gift was actually a 50 cent notebook that was in your stocking. Nothing special to it but you liked carrying it around and turing the pages. I will definitely keep this in mind next year. You did enjoy many of your gifts today - play doh, puzzles, games, cars, etc...
The other tradition I was bound and determined to carry on this holiday season was my mom's homemade cinnimmon rolls. She made these from scratch every year and I have made them once before with help of others. Well, Friday afternoon I started around noon and finally, at 700 at night we finished the first batch and they worked! It only took me 24 cups of flour and a gallon of milk and a box of butter to finally get the yeast to rise, but persistence paid of off and we had a batch of rolls that you LOVED!
We also started some traditions of our own. I am not sure what these are yet but I am sure I will figure it out later :)
You are such an amazing little boy with so much personality. The spark in your eyes and the playfulness in the activities you do is amazing. You have shown us so many skills that you really do have and you are catching up in so many other areas. The ipad is the key to expressing some of this knowledge and the other is patience. You let us see all that you have on your terms, and as much as I wish this would happen a little faster sometimes, we can't control it.
Very exciting new - I emailed with the local Lacrosse team and they are more then willing to have you join the spring Lacrosse team for your age group! It will be another great opportunity for social interactions and growth. We will work hard on these skills, but the agreement with the league is knowing that you will not be able to play in games until you are ready (which may not happen this season) but you will participate, with me or a therapist, help in all practices, and wear the uniform to support the team on game days! I am very excited about this and really think you will grow as we start this adventure. You are pure muscle these days and I know will be a little athlete as we find the right sport.
Well, baby, this holiday weekend has worn us both out. Off to another week tomorrow and then on Wednesday we will leave to go see Jenny and the kids again. I am sure they will be shocked at your progress and growth as everyone here is each day.
I love you
Merry Christmas
Mom
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Holiday Season
Holidays are quickly approaching and winter is upon us. Surprisingly, you do not like the cold weather. I am sure that it was actually colder in Idaho and that you had much more snow then we have here but within seconds of being in the cold your little hands turn beat red, you start crying that they hurt, and you quickly want to get inside. I hate to tell you but this is nothing yet. We are working hard on wearing gloves without taking them off a few minutes later but since you like to clap for yourself all the time they tend to slip right off!
Christmas shopping for you is almost done. I love the fact that you can be with me when I do the shopping yet still be surprised on Christmas morning :) We will start the Elf tradition next week. Growing up, my mom did elf gifts. Starting about a week before Christmas your Uncle Michael and I would find a small stocking stuffer gift outside our door that the "elf" left for us. Then, on Christmas morning we would find our stockings outside our door. Now, mainly this tradition carried on for years so we would not constantly bug mom about our Christmas gifts but it is one of the yearly traditions I am very excited to carry on. It is a little harder to find the stocking stuffers then I thought it would be but I am looking forward to see your face every morning. You find simple joy and happiness in the smallest of things and I am sure you will have a very exciting week!
We are still working (fighting) with the school on what will most appropriately meet your needs in that environment. They just do not understand how to work through your behaviors and the amount of time and consistency you require. This last week things have been GREAT at home. I do not know if this is because of the new medication, you settling in a little more, or a combination of the two, but we have seen a wonderful week, unfortunately, school has not seen the same and I do not think they will. I need the school to admit that you are a little outside their realm of what they can handle so next school year I can move you to a school that can met your needs a little better.
I interviewed for a job last week. It is a teacher position at a local school which would provide a better schedule for me to better meet your emotional needs and also the possibility of me moving you to that school next year. We will keep our fingers crossed for this. The company will still stay open and we will find the right balance, I just know you need so much more emotionally then what I am giving right now. Thank God for a wonderful nanny (Tonya) and a great deal of family/friend support that has been helping to provide what you need and giving us all a nice balance to life.
Well baby, I am very excited for the holidays and to see the look on your face.
Keep on Truckin
Love
Mom
Monday, December 6, 2010
Thanksgiving Celebrations
So, I am a little behind on posts but you do tend to keep me on my toes.
You did wonderful for Thanksgiving besides the fact that you did not particularly like the dinner. I guess that is an understatment, you ate the meal to please me but gaged on every bite that you put into your mouth. I thought the Turkey would be easy, just call it chicken, evidently you did not fall for that one. Maybe next year it will go down a little easier. I can't complain to much since you do eat almost anything and everything that is offered to you - one of your new favorites being a bolonage and cheese sandwich with mustard. You have also learned the new trick that to get your bread you have to eat a bite of food or to eat to get your chips or fries you have to eat a few bites of protein. Makes life much easier at meal time. You did LOVE the pumpkin pie for dessert that night though, one of the only ones who did. Who knows where you get your tastes from.
Since the entire week of Thanksgiving was off for the school system you had a very rough week back to school last week. It has been like light switches turning on and off your behaviors with no predictability. There are still the tantrums just because you want to be stubborn but on top of this, it could be as simple as asking you if you wanted juice and you would lose it! Self injurious behaviors were through the roof and you were just unhappy for about four days.
This is especially rough since school is still trying to learn the best way to work with you and which staff members can work with you appropriately. You know who you can manipulate and who has behavior control. We are back to meetings this week to fix your cognitive goals to make them more appropriate and to also discuss your behavior intervention plan and see what else we can do to make this easier for you. The school needs so much more training to work with you and little do they know that I do not offically plan on sending you back there next year as I would like to move you to a school that has more behavioral support.
I took you to a psychiatrist on Friday since I have been seeing so many mood swings and was worried about your self-injuriuos behaviors. Abilify was added to your Clonidine and a new diagnosis of Mood Disorder, and you seem to be reacting well. It is supposed to be 2-4 weeks to see the effects of the Abilify but because of your past drug exposure you metabolize drugs so differently. We have already started to see teh effects, we think, and you are extremely happy, for now. This could change when the 2-4 weeks sets in so only time will tell. I hate having you on meds. I am a behavior therapist, drugs are usually not a line of defense for us but you honestly need to take the edge off just a little. You can't think that the world is ending just because you are asked to pick up a crayon or put your cars away. We will see and I honestly feel that once you have more coping skills and a better set of skills to fall back on, we will not need the medication any longer. That is our hope at least!
Well, baby, I am off to bed - changes are coming though, just hang in there
Keep on truckin'
Love
Mom
You did wonderful for Thanksgiving besides the fact that you did not particularly like the dinner. I guess that is an understatment, you ate the meal to please me but gaged on every bite that you put into your mouth. I thought the Turkey would be easy, just call it chicken, evidently you did not fall for that one. Maybe next year it will go down a little easier. I can't complain to much since you do eat almost anything and everything that is offered to you - one of your new favorites being a bolonage and cheese sandwich with mustard. You have also learned the new trick that to get your bread you have to eat a bite of food or to eat to get your chips or fries you have to eat a few bites of protein. Makes life much easier at meal time. You did LOVE the pumpkin pie for dessert that night though, one of the only ones who did. Who knows where you get your tastes from.
Since the entire week of Thanksgiving was off for the school system you had a very rough week back to school last week. It has been like light switches turning on and off your behaviors with no predictability. There are still the tantrums just because you want to be stubborn but on top of this, it could be as simple as asking you if you wanted juice and you would lose it! Self injurious behaviors were through the roof and you were just unhappy for about four days.
This is especially rough since school is still trying to learn the best way to work with you and which staff members can work with you appropriately. You know who you can manipulate and who has behavior control. We are back to meetings this week to fix your cognitive goals to make them more appropriate and to also discuss your behavior intervention plan and see what else we can do to make this easier for you. The school needs so much more training to work with you and little do they know that I do not offically plan on sending you back there next year as I would like to move you to a school that has more behavioral support.
I took you to a psychiatrist on Friday since I have been seeing so many mood swings and was worried about your self-injuriuos behaviors. Abilify was added to your Clonidine and a new diagnosis of Mood Disorder, and you seem to be reacting well. It is supposed to be 2-4 weeks to see the effects of the Abilify but because of your past drug exposure you metabolize drugs so differently. We have already started to see teh effects, we think, and you are extremely happy, for now. This could change when the 2-4 weeks sets in so only time will tell. I hate having you on meds. I am a behavior therapist, drugs are usually not a line of defense for us but you honestly need to take the edge off just a little. You can't think that the world is ending just because you are asked to pick up a crayon or put your cars away. We will see and I honestly feel that once you have more coping skills and a better set of skills to fall back on, we will not need the medication any longer. That is our hope at least!
Well, baby, I am off to bed - changes are coming though, just hang in there
Keep on truckin'
Love
Mom
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