The Young Boy You Have Become

I have started to write this many times to you.  Recently, every time I sit down to give a quick update and make sure we are keeping up I do not know where to begin.  Other times I write to you it seems to just flow, its a quick update on your language, academics, or what new sport of the week we are trying.  On occasion I throw in some details on your behaviors and glimpses of how much you have grown or started to change.  For some reason though things have been different these last few weeks.  It is harder to put into words all of the changes and who you are becoming.  It is hard for me to realize the path you are on.

This path scares me.  It is an unknown for me and one that I am sure is going to have a whole new set of bumps along the way.  It seems that we have turned a pivotal corner in our relationship and in your view of the world. You have a system of trust now, a new walk of confidence, and a self-motivation I have not seen before.  All of this has allowed you to express yourself and start to find your nitch in the world around you.  I am not sure if this will all make sense to you, until now I have always talked about your progress, but the look in your eyes is different.  I am not afraid that we will turn around tomorrow and lose all that you have conquered.  I no longer live in fear that you will wake up tomorrow and have that lost and distant look in your eyes.  Today I live in the moment but also with a different fear, a fear that one day I might truly be able to let you spread your wings.  I am in fear that I can't keep up with you, challenge you, and provide for what may be around the next corner.

This past week, with the Thanksgiving holiday upon us, you held your head high and were never phased.  Nancy and Terry were in town for almost a week yet you did not miss a beat in showing them how you have changed and your personality.  You accepted change this week, different environments, foods, people, and interactions. You went with the flow, kept your emotions in line, and used your voice to be heard.  You were cuddly, loving, funny, persistent, stubborn, and a wound up ball of energy.  You allowed others to see the side of you that I see on a regular basis.  You allowed yourself to enjoy the moment and to simply be who you are without all the walls around you.

These past few weeks have guided us down the next path past the fork in the road. You have decided upon a direction to take and you will continue to thrive and overcome all that stands in your way.  This is not to say we won't have our moments, I mean you are a typical little kid in so many ways that I am sure we will continue to have our battle of the wills, but these wars will not be as hard.  They will not be over the trust and confidence that you have recently found. They will not be based upon your fears.  Instead, these battles will be about you continuing to grow. You trying to fly a little to early and me still holding on. I am afraid to let go but I also know you are telling me that you are ready for a little more.  I can promise you that I am trying and that I am ready to see the next chapter in our amazing adventure.

Keep on Truckin
Love
Mom

As The Leaves Change Colors So Do You

This fall has been emotional one for me as I watch you grow and change.  You are growing up before my eyes and right now it is happening at such a fast pace that even I am overwhelmed.  I cannot imagine what is going on in your little head.  I often times look into your eyes and see glimpses of the future.  I see the spark that will carry you far, the fear that will continue to hold you back, and the spirit that nothing will hold you down.

There are days when you look so innocent.  Days that remind me that your life really did just start a little over two years ago when I brought you home.  You are playful, without a care in the world, and greet each challenge as an adventure.

Then there are days you look wise beyond your years.  Days that remind me of the past you have endured, the pain you have suffered, and how much of a challenge each new morning is to you.  It is these days that you process the world and take in what is occurring around you far more seriously then any eight year old little boy should.

As strange as it may sound though, it is when I see the second of these two that I know you are going to be okay.  That you will continue to thrive in all that you try to accomplish, you will continue to conquer the world, and most importantly you will be able to overcome your past.  You are starting to allow yourself to process and heal.  By doing this you are also allowing the walls to fall down beneath you.

This fall you have allowed yourself to be successful in so many different parts of your life.  Academically you are soaring through material and continue to amaze us. I never imagined that I would be researching reading and spelling curriculums for you at this point but they will arrive next week!   Your language has changed and now you are more interested in labeling and commenting on the world around you then asking permission to do things.  You are obsessed with Elmo and Mickey Mouse, what little boy doesn't go through that phase though? :)  Your self help skills have also shown a drastic improvement which not only helps you but me.  You are so close to now being able to shower yourself and also brush your own teeth. On top of this, your understanding of what others are saying to you and around you is also constantly growing.

What I love watching is the look of pride and accomplishment on your face as you complete these tasks and move forward.  You have found the internal motivation that you were missing for so long and it is now the driving force to your success, not me.  You are finally living life on your terms and loving it.  I cannot wait to see what each day holds for you.

Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mom

Ticka Ticka Ticka Treat

I will admit, probably one of the most adorable sayings you have.  You fully understand Halloween and love the holiday.  I do have to laugh though because Halloween is the one holiday we did not celebrate growing up.  Your grandmother didn't feel it was a Christian holiday, funny how she choose this to be her hang up if you knew her, so your Uncle Mike and I each received a bag of candy and a trip to the movies every year.  On occasion she would try a crazy idea like the "Halloween" at the church where you had to dress as something God created - I vividly remember her hand sewing cotton balls onto my sweatshirt and sweatpants so I could go as a cloud.  Yup, I was just as much of a little shit then as you are now!  All of this aside though your first year home Sally and the gang would not let you miss Halloween so off we went.  It only took a matter of minutes that first night for you to catch on and somehow, you, being supposedly nonverbal, quickly learned to say "ticka ticka ticka treat."

This year we grabbed the cheapest costume off the shelf and as soon as you put it on you smiled and announced "It's Halloween!" "Candy!" Umm... okay, since when did you learn the names for your holidays or that dressing up meant Halloween?  Oh how much you take in that I forget to give you credit for.

The past two years you have had your little gang by your side and took their lead.  It was different this time around.  It was just you and I and I think a little bit of reality settled in and you missed your buddies.  It took us three attempts to get going as you wanted to chase down other groups of children and then cried when it wasn't who you thought it was.  It seemed that you wanted, and needed, the comfort of your group.  On our third attempt though I saw the spark in your eyes as you tripped up the stairs and yelled "Ticka Ticka Ticka Treat" before you even rang the doorbell.  I couldn't help but smile as I saw you grow just a little bit more.

This Halloween I was also able to step back and realize a few more things things you have learned.  You knew the difference between lights on and lights off and that you could only go to houses that had their lights on.  You minded all of your P's and Q's with a sweet "please" and "thank you" at every house.  This year you understand the concept of "take one" but found a variety of different ways to get around this - you tried one in each hand, them handing you one and you taking one, one of each kind of candy, one in your bucket and one in your mouth, and, my favorite, one for each time you rang the doorbell.  Lucky for you it was cold and rainy and very few people were out so the people were very generous.

Overall a very successful holiday and I look forward to do it all over again next year!

Keep on Truckin Baby
Love
Mom