This is a question that is asked to me about you quite often. People want to know, "Is he deaf?" "Is he hard of hearing?" "Can he hear me?" They are not asking me this question because of your lack of expressive language but because of your actions. Recently I am starting to notice more behaviors caused by your past and they are being noticed by those around us also.
For the first 3.5 years of your life you were locked in a room. In this room, as I have told you, and I am very confident that you remember, was also one of your sisters. As you, she has since changed her name but I will refer to her as "G" to protect her privacy. "G" was deaf and blind in one eye. This was caused by CMV virus which causes lesions on the brain and can progressively become worse as a child ages. Honestly, "G" took more abuse then you did and everyone is pretty sure that she was also sexually abused. I had the honor of meeting her when I met you in Idaho and also spending time with her adoptive family. She could not have had a better match for a family with the most unique, understanding, and supportive parenting possible. "G" has made great strides in her life and last I heard was performing near grade level academically and her social/emotional skills had grown leaps and bounds.
The importance of all this though is the three and half years you two spent together in a room. She was the most physical and social contact you received from what I can see and was one of the largest impacts on the early years of your development. But, given that she herself could not communicate functionally and she could not hear you, how did you the two of you communicate? How did the two of you function in that room?
Your behaviors today are starting to answer some of these questions. We have always known you have had a passion for music but it goes much deeper then that. You need to feel the beat. You need to feel the music and to have it become a part of you. When we walk into stores, restaurants, outside parks, etc. you can find the speakers in a matter of seconds. You put your hand as close as possible to feel the vibrations and allow them to move through you. I am sure that whatever was going on outside of your locked door you could feel and sense. That your closet contact with those around you was either putting your ear or hands on the door or laying on the floor to feel the vibrations of their party. "G" helped to teach you this. Since she had lost her sense of hearing her other senses were stronger and this had to be her way of connecting. This is a learned behavior and a behavior of survival. A behavior that helped you, and "G", hold on to the few connections you had left.
Even today, music is a source for calming and your security blanket. We have your iPod with us and available at all times. You know when you need it and how to ask for it. When you need it, you turn the volume up and push the headphones into your ears, you have to be able to feel it. It is as if you need to become one with the music, disconnect from whatever is going on around you, and be able to find the sense of release that it provides you.
When we are walking around and you are unsure of sounds or if fear starts to set in, both hands go to your ears. You pinch them to cover the noise but then you move your hands back and forth. You are playing with the sound, the vibrations, and the rhythm. You are using the coping skills you had to survive on for so many years.
Your language has exploded over the last few weeks but with this there are more learned behaviors. You are intent on watching the faces and mouths of those that are talking. You are now able to imitate almost any word as long as you can watch the speaker to see how they formed it. I have to be careful when talking to you, I have to make sure I speak slowly and that I am on your level so you can watch my mouth. If you cannot see my face and watch my mouth and expressions, you do not respond. This is not because you cannot hear me but because you are relaying on your other senses just as "G" did.
Trust me, I have had your hearing checked twice and yours is absolutely perfect. We will continue to work through these moments of your past. I had prayed and hoped that when I adopted you your cognitive level and age were too young for you to remember the abuse and neglect of your past. This is not the case though. As you continue to develop and acquire skills we have more moments we need to work through. We have more behaviors and memories that impact the little boy you are today. Together though we will conquer. Together we will find a balance. I am learning to allow you the time you need and that I will never understand exactly what your past held. You may never be able to tell me all this. What you are learning though is that I am here for you and that it is safe for you to show me these behaviors.
Keep On Truckin
Love
Mom
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