I know this may not make sense. That the analogy is a little confusing and maybe stretching at times, but actually it is true. You have, over the course of these few short months, started to sew my heart around your heart. This is not easy to say considering I did not know my heart my was broken and needed to be sewn but it was. You have helped me grow, develop, and even face parts of my past that I had hidden, and with this started to heal parts of me that I am finally able to admit were broken. I had forgotten how to trust and how to love. I had forgotten how to let lose and love life. These life lessons are ones you have never taken for granted. Since the moment you can home you have never missed an opportunity to laugh, to allow yourself to be known, and to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. You have broken down walls and trusted those around you and found security in your new life. Watching you grow, watching us grow together, I realized the other night how much you have changed me and how much my life would not be what it is today without you in it.
As many people who know me are already aware, I always wanted to adopt. It is a dream that I have had since I understood the concept and I will admit, since I discovered I could have children and did not have to actually ever be pregnant. There are children all over the world looking for a home. Looking for a place where they can be accepted and loved and look forward to their future. Some of these children have special needs, some are typically developing, but all of them, all of you, have a past. You experience and encounter the world differently. You read people before they even say a word to you. You trust few but accept many and have a passion for testing those around you to make sure they are not going to leave you. You, and the other children, have seen the world in ways we cannot even imagine. You have seen the worst in people, lived through hell, and still, somehow through all of it, find a way to smile and forget the past, let go of the pain, and move on to whatever adventure what might lie in front of you.
Its interesting to watch, you don't need anyone to hold your hand as you have been through worse, but you smile and take comfort in the fact that you do have someone who will hold your hand now. You don't need all of your little bumps and bruises kissed and rubbed but you take security in knowing someone will. You don't need anyone to kiss you goodnight before you fall asleep at night but you trust that I will always be there for you. I have also learned that you will comfort me and hold my hand when we encounter a new adventure, that you will kiss and hug me when I am down, and that I can trust you will always be here for me.
With this, you have started to sew my heart around your heart. My love for you, my child, my son, will never change. It grows stronger everyday. You curled up in my bed the other morning (and this time there was no iPad to the head :) put your head under my chin, wrapped your arm around me, and fell fast asleep again. It just so happened that this was a snow day and we could sleep for hours. I didn't sleep though - instead I watched you sleep. I smiled at your innocence and thought about where you were 9 months ago when you came home. I thought about where I was 9 months ago today and how far we have come over this time. How far we have grown and how much we have developed.
I cannot wait to see what the future holds for us and what adventure is around the next corner.
Keep on Truckin Baby
Mom
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