Wow... What A Wonderful Time

Christmas is such an amazing time. For you and I this year it held so much more meaning. Our first Christmas together and I am sure a much different experience then you have had before. During the past few weeks I have been remembering what Christmas was for me growing up. I remember the good times and some of the traditions, the ones I want to pass on to you and then you and I creating some of our own. The "elf" gifts are a tradition I hope we can continue, it was hard for you to understand this year but I am sure that will grow on you as the years go on.

Then, we had the "eye sparklers" under the tree. On top of our Santa gift my mom always had a gift under the tree that she called our "eye sparkler" and that is exactly what it was supposed to do. Light up our faces and be the one big present. The one I remember most for me was when I got my Charlotte Hornets NBA jacket. This year I really thought your electronic drum pad would be your eye sparkler, oh how I was wrong. Your favorite gift was actually a 50 cent notebook that was in your stocking. Nothing special to it but you liked carrying it around and turing the pages. I will definitely keep this in mind next year. You did enjoy many of your gifts today - play doh, puzzles, games, cars, etc...

The other tradition I was bound and determined to carry on this holiday season was my mom's homemade cinnimmon rolls. She made these from scratch every year and I have made them once before with help of others. Well, Friday afternoon I started around noon and finally, at 700 at night we finished the first batch and they worked! It only took me 24 cups of flour and a gallon of milk and a box of butter to finally get the yeast to rise, but persistence paid of off and we had a batch of rolls that you LOVED!

We also started some traditions of our own. I am not sure what these are yet but I am sure I will figure it out later :)

You are such an amazing little boy with so much personality. The spark in your eyes and the playfulness in the activities you do is amazing. You have shown us so many skills that you really do have and you are catching up in so many other areas. The ipad is the key to expressing some of this knowledge and the other is patience. You let us see all that you have on your terms, and as much as I wish this would happen a little faster sometimes, we can't control it.

Very exciting new - I emailed with the local Lacrosse team and they are more then willing to have you join the spring Lacrosse team for your age group! It will be another great opportunity for social interactions and growth. We will work hard on these skills, but the agreement with the league is knowing that you will not be able to play in games until you are ready (which may not happen this season) but you will participate, with me or a therapist, help in all practices, and wear the uniform to support the team on game days! I am very excited about this and really think you will grow as we start this adventure. You are pure muscle these days and I know will be a little athlete as we find the right sport.

Well, baby, this holiday weekend has worn us both out. Off to another week tomorrow and then on Wednesday we will leave to go see Jenny and the kids again. I am sure they will be shocked at your progress and growth as everyone here is each day.

I love you
Merry Christmas
Mom

Holiday Season

Holidays are quickly approaching and winter is upon us. Surprisingly, you do not like the cold weather. I am sure that it was actually colder in Idaho and that you had much more snow then we have here but within seconds of being in the cold your little hands turn beat red, you start crying that they hurt, and you quickly want to get inside. I hate to tell you but this is nothing yet. We are working hard on wearing gloves without taking them off a few minutes later but since you like to clap for yourself all the time they tend to slip right off!

Christmas shopping for you is almost done. I love the fact that you can be with me when I do the shopping yet still be surprised on Christmas morning :) We will start the Elf tradition next week. Growing up, my mom did elf gifts. Starting about a week before Christmas your Uncle Michael and I would find a small stocking stuffer gift outside our door that the "elf" left for us. Then, on Christmas morning we would find our stockings outside our door. Now, mainly this tradition carried on for years so we would not constantly bug mom about our Christmas gifts but it is one of the yearly traditions I am very excited to carry on. It is a little harder to find the stocking stuffers then I thought it would be but I am looking forward to see your face every morning. You find simple joy and happiness in the smallest of things and I am sure you will have a very exciting week!

We are still working (fighting) with the school on what will most appropriately meet your needs in that environment. They just do not understand how to work through your behaviors and the amount of time and consistency you require. This last week things have been GREAT at home. I do not know if this is because of the new medication, you settling in a little more, or a combination of the two, but we have seen a wonderful week, unfortunately, school has not seen the same and I do not think they will. I need the school to admit that you are a little outside their realm of what they can handle so next school year I can move you to a school that can met your needs a little better.

I interviewed for a job last week. It is a teacher position at a local school which would provide a better schedule for me to better meet your emotional needs and also the possibility of me moving you to that school next year. We will keep our fingers crossed for this. The company will still stay open and we will find the right balance, I just know you need so much more emotionally then what I am giving right now. Thank God for a wonderful nanny (Tonya) and a great deal of family/friend support that has been helping to provide what you need and giving us all a nice balance to life.

Well baby, I am very excited for the holidays and to see the look on your face.

Keep on Truckin
Love
Mom

Thanksgiving Celebrations

So, I am a little behind on posts but you do tend to keep me on my toes.

You did wonderful for Thanksgiving besides the fact that you did not particularly like the dinner. I guess that is an understatment, you ate the meal to please me but gaged on every bite that you put into your mouth. I thought the Turkey would be easy, just call it chicken, evidently you did not fall for that one. Maybe next year it will go down a little easier. I can't complain to much since you do eat almost anything and everything that is offered to you - one of your new favorites being a bolonage and cheese sandwich with mustard. You have also learned the new trick that to get your bread you have to eat a bite of food or to eat to get your chips or fries you have to eat a few bites of protein. Makes life much easier at meal time. You did LOVE the pumpkin pie for dessert that night though, one of the only ones who did. Who knows where you get your tastes from.

Since the entire week of Thanksgiving was off for the school system you had a very rough week back to school last week. It has been like light switches turning on and off your behaviors with no predictability. There are still the tantrums just because you want to be stubborn but on top of this, it could be as simple as asking you if you wanted juice and you would lose it! Self injurious behaviors were through the roof and you were just unhappy for about four days.

This is especially rough since school is still trying to learn the best way to work with you and which staff members can work with you appropriately. You know who you can manipulate and who has behavior control. We are back to meetings this week to fix your cognitive goals to make them more appropriate and to also discuss your behavior intervention plan and see what else we can do to make this easier for you. The school needs so much more training to work with you and little do they know that I do not offically plan on sending you back there next year as I would like to move you to a school that has more behavioral support.

I took you to a psychiatrist on Friday since I have been seeing so many mood swings and was worried about your self-injuriuos behaviors. Abilify was added to your Clonidine and a new diagnosis of Mood Disorder, and you seem to be reacting well. It is supposed to be 2-4 weeks to see the effects of the Abilify but because of your past drug exposure you metabolize drugs so differently. We have already started to see teh effects, we think, and you are extremely happy, for now. This could change when the 2-4 weeks sets in so only time will tell. I hate having you on meds. I am a behavior therapist, drugs are usually not a line of defense for us but you honestly need to take the edge off just a little. You can't think that the world is ending just because you are asked to pick up a crayon or put your cars away. We will see and I honestly feel that once you have more coping skills and a better set of skills to fall back on, we will not need the medication any longer. That is our hope at least!

Well, baby, I am off to bed - changes are coming though, just hang in there

Keep on truckin'
Love
Mom

Umm.. If Only You Could Tell Me Whats In The Toilet

Bryson, Bryson, Bryson... What is in the toilet? Yes, you heard the question correctly, what exactly did you put in the toilet this evening? It is amazing to watch you go through your developmental stages. What two and three year olds do not flush items down the toilet? I remember my mom telling me I used to try to flush doll babies heads down the toilet - well, if only you could tell us what exactly it was. You were throwing a tantrum, one hell of a tantrum, with Tonya tonight because she took away your light saber after you hit the puppy with it, and the next thing we know, the bathroom was flooded and you were naked. After much work, it is working again but we have yet to find out what's down there.

Since you have had all week off school for the thanksgiving holiday I decided it was time to re-potty train you. You used to request all the time and have very few accidents but that had changed. We cant figure out why but you had decided it was okay to wet your pants again. So, saturday night we a started over and had a lot of success at first with initiation, using your iPad. Then, you didn't like my method anymore and you and I had a break to regroup. I then took a slightly different approach and as of today you were requesting 80% of the time with success. Way to go!!! Now, if only you realized the pee is supposed to go in the potty. You tend to close the lid mid-stream, turn around and spray the shower curtain, or make a nice pattern on the wall and cabinets. I can tell by your face this is not necassirly on purpose but instead, a true lack of attending. That 30 second attention span does not help us much in this situation especially when you are very excited to get your candy afterwards. I am assuming that since we also taught you to flush this week, that is why you flushed items down the toilet tonight.

Some of your accomplishments recently:
1. You can now identify your head both receptively and expressively
2. You can match non-identical pictures
3. You can dress yourself (when you want to)
4. You can complete the steps of toiling (with a little bit of a mess)
5. You can count to two
6. You can use your iPad for basic communication

This week will be interesting to watch. We will be going to Nancy and Terry's for Thanksgiving and then you will be initiated by fire to a family tradition. Your grandma, my mom, and I used to always do black Friday shopping. Once she passed away Valerie started carring on this tradition with me. So now, on Friday you will join is for this very eventful day! We will wake at about 330 am to be at Target by 430 am then off to breakfast followed by best buy and toys r us for a little Christmas shopping.

I love you baby, keep on truckin

Mom

Our First 'Sick Visit'

Hmmm..... We might have to have a little heart to heart on this one. If this is the way we act when we are not feeling very well, we have a long road ahead of us. For lack of a better word, you have been a little terror the last few days. We took two days off school and upon returning to school you are perfect for them which is wonderful! If only it were the same at home!!! It has not been all bad, just very temperamental. One minute you ask to play with your cars, the next you are screaming because it is really not what you want. By today you we were feeling much better. Your self-injurious behaviors were also through the roof during this time but next month we go to the psychiatrist so hopefully we will have more insight.

You and the iPad have become best friends and it amazing to watch. You are starting to find a voice, much more spontaneous then it ever was with PEC's.it has really become your outlet at school and today you spontaneously and appropriately asked for hug, help, outside, break, juice, and car while at school! Who would have thought it would happen so fast. You can now tell us when you are hungry, thirsty, when you want to go outside, and when you are simply done. We worked today on asking for tv and we are now using the iPad to label your alphabet and colors, you have actually started to learn the letters A and B and the color green. So much potential.

Linda and I swore today that you said something along the lines of "I didn't know you were...." this was as soon as Anna and Ellie walked into the house. We were surprised but this is happening more and more often. You have so much to say, once you start talking I'm not ever sure you will stop.

Tomorrow is native American day at school. Your native American name is 'screaming bull,' so fitting! Terry will be joining us and I am so excited to see you with your class. You also have a boys day out with Terry after school tomorrow - please behave!

Keep on trucking baby
You are my little side kick

Luv ya
Mom

Six Months!

I can hardly believe that today marks the six month mark for you coming home. Some days it feels like years that you have been here and I can hardly remember life without you. Other times it seems like just yesterday you were handed to me at the airport.

You are such an amazing little boy - full of energy, spirit, and life. You grow everyday and continue to amaze those around you. You find humor in the simple pleasures of life and I never see take a moment of life for granted. Your determination continues to grow and it continues to carry you through life. You have yet to not be able to master a skill placed in front of you (even through your stubbornness) and are so proud of yourself when you know you have accomplished it. Some of the simple tasks have become much easier. You know dress yourself, usually pretty quickly, you feed yourself independently, and you have found the joy in variety of foods. Your taste isn't bad either considering clam linguini was a favorite a few weeks ago :)

Its interesting to watch you. With many children the development is predictable, they learn skill "A" so next must be skill "B." With you on the other hand though "A" does not have to come first and one skill could actually open the door to 20 different skills. I know you have so much knowledge and are such a bright little boy, we just need to continue trying to find a way for you to communicate that. You are using your iPad extremely well so we will be adding more academics to it. This way you can start labeling more items and hopefully participating more in class. We will see what type of learning curve we are looking at. It just unbelievable when we see a glimpse of what you hold on to.

I watched you in kindergarten this week. No wonder you are exhausted. I am shocked you do as well as you do in that environment and that you thrive of of your peers. You hate to miss a moment of what they are doing. It was hilarious to see that every time you were given a choice of a reinforcer from your iPad you choose the activity the rest of the class was doing. For instance during morning table time you picked "crayons," during circle you picked "lets work," and right before recess you picked "I need a break." This obviously indicates not only your understanding of what is going on around you but also your use of and the power of your iPad and communication.

Technically, as of today, your paperwork can be filed in the courts to finalize our adoption. We just have to wait for one letter from Idaho that we will hopefully get this week and the paperwork will be turned into the courts by Friday! Once it is turned in we are estimating that by the end of February we will have notice from the judge that your adoption is FINAL :) This is huge for both of us. We will have a celebration as soon as everything is done and hopefully family will be able to make it. One of the small things I cannot wait on is finally having your legal name as Bryson James Murray.

Well baby, today is huge for us. It is a moment that marks a great deal of change, development, relationships, and life. We will continue to grow and I cannot wait to see what adventures tomorrow holds for us.

Keep on Truckin
Loves

I Thought I Lost You

For a few hours yesterday I thought I had lost you. Not physically, but instead mentally and emotionally. You had over three hours of behaviors at school and since they did not have a plan in place for this, you had no safety net. No way to control yourself. To bring yourself back under control or a comfort zone in order to know you were safe. I think that by the time you spiraled this far out of control it brought back memories of your past. A sense of being lost and just not knowing which way to turn next. Once I picked you up from school you completely shut down. You wouldn't talk, you had the look of a deer in headlights, and you were not processing directions that were given to you. It has been a long time since I have seen this, but we have. And from the past it usually takes you awhile to bounce back. Needless to say, it scared the you know what out of me. You have come so far, you are such a happy little boy, and are thriving, to see this side of you, to know there was nothing I could do, and to know you were just lost, it broke me as well.

You have so much from your past to work through. So many memories, experiences, visions, and emotions that no little boy should have to handle. You work so hard to make it through the day. You are asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow at night and I am dragging you out of the bed in the morning but very seldom does the smile leave your face. You babble stories at us all day, you engage in your environment, and you are just Bryson. But yesterday, this happiness disappeared. It was replaced with fear. You didn't have the fight in you.

This will happen. I know it will. I know it is harder on you then on me but I will say baby it kills me to watch you go through it. I know I can provide you unconditional love, comfort, and safety. I can provide you boundaries and expectations and a net for when you fall. You need to go through these emotions. You need to be allowed to experience and work through your past on your time. Whether it be a situation that causes the brief lapse or you choosing to take a moment, I know it will continue to happen.

I am looking to take you to a psychiatrist. Just someone to keep an eye and track these emotional stages in case you need more in the future.

Luckily, the phase was short. By late last night you started to bounce back and you had a wonderful day today. Not perfect at school but I don't expect perfection - I just expect you to try. Your play dates are going great. The facilitated ones on Thursdays and then also the random ones we have. Your play skills really are coming along and you just love your friends.

Your peers were a little jealous today when you brought in your iPAD. Even though we have had our moments over using this, as you are stubborn, I am seeing much better and spontaneous use of it after one week then I saw with PEC's. The categories are hard for you but this will get better the more you use it. I am actually kinda of hoping that it will also serve as a tool to help facilitate peer interaction at school since they will be interested in the device.

Okay baby. You know I love you - I wish I could say don't leave me again but I know you will need to check out again. That you will need to deal and that you will come back to me. Our bond continues to grow. We continue to discover or ourselves and our relationship and it is something that can never be broken.

Keep On Truckin'
Love
Mom