Your Own Worst Enemy

Yup, you are your own worst enemy.  There is no other way to describe it or a way to sugar coat it.  You fight the world with all the energy you have yet if you were to just let down your guard everything would come so easy to you.  Don't get me wrong, I understand why you fight and that it is your natural reaction but I wish, just for one day, you would let yourself enjoy all of the world and show what you know.

I do not talk about school a whole lot.  Obviously this is on purpose as it is not the highlight of your day, week, month, or even year.  School has always been your biggest battle and the place where you feel the most insecure.  The direct pressure of having to perform, to being on the spot, and to know that at times all eyes are on you is just too much for you.  If it were not for the fact that you love peers and a part of you loves your teachers as much as you fight them I would home school you.  There is still a part of me that is hoping, praying, that when you walk through the doors to school you will show them who you are and all that you hold inside.

This school year has started off no different then years past.  The school not sure where to put boundaries into place - you running around like a chicken with your head cut off - and then you spiraling out of control from not having boundaries all day.  Its a vicious cycle and this is the fourth time we have been through it.  I had such high hopes that since you went to this school last year and you knew it was safe, that this year would just fall right into place. Yet again though you taught me to laugh at myself and that nothing will ever come that easy.

Before school started I made the decision to remove all of your academic goals from you Individualized Educational Plan (IEP). I wanted an IEP that focused on language, behaviors, and generalization of skills. I want you to learn this year that you do have to follow a schedule, stay with your class, generalize mastered skills into a group environment, and most importantly you have to use all the language that we work so hard on everyday.  This does not mean you are not exposed to all your core subject matters and skills because as long as you are participating you are in all your main subject areas you will be part of the lessons.  With this though, I also knew we needed more at home to find the balance.

So, you guessed it.... You now have 15 hours a week of ABA therapy primarily to focus on all your foundational academic skills. Lets just say you bucked the system the first two weeks and made your therapists earn their stripes BUT you all survived and now you are working your little butt off (or as you say "aaaaaass"off :) You have two wonderful therapists that you quickly won over with your smile and a subtle "hey" as you flirted but we all expect and believe in great things from you.

I pray that right now this is the right balance for you. That I am allowing you to shine in the right areas in the right environment and playing upon your strengths.  I hope that one day you will feel safe and secure enough to show the world the little boy that I get the honor or watching grow up everyday.

Keep On Truckin
Love
Mom