Anxiety

So, the title of this is a little more for me then it is for you. My anxiety has gone through the roof lately just waiting for the other shoe to drop and scared to death for you to walk into the doors of school again next week. It pulls at me and intimidates me to hand over the control of your program, your behaviors, your life, and most of all your emotional security to another group of professionals, and ask you to trust them when I am not even sure I trust them myself.

Last week and this week you have been at a day camp at Lifetime Fitness since I have already gone back to work. Again, I took a deep breath, walked you in the door, and wished them luck before I closed the door and drove away. I was nervous though, a group of college students running a camp for an overwhelming amount of children that involves swimming, gym play, games, etc... And yet again, you shocked me and those around us. You have LOVED it. I love hearing your sweet "bye" and "see ya's" when I leave and how you run away while teasing me when I arrive to pick up hours later for you only to fall asleep within seconds of being in the car. Another milestone for you though because we all know you would not have been successful in this environment or participated at the level you are now last year.

On top of this, last Friday you spent the night away from home for the first time! I was in a wedding and so Nancy and Terry volunteered to take you for the night. Wow! The first time since you came home for you to sleep away and again, no issues. Who is this child you are becoming?? :) You never cease to amaze me!

Well, little man, the next stop is school on Monday and through all the anxiety, tears, and behaviors I know you can do it. I know you can put on your big boy pants and impress all those who do not believe. I feel that since we always try to educate and warn those of what they might see and how to handle the behaviors that we actually end up intimidating them and they lose sight of the big picture of who you are. If a group of college students can see you for the wonderful little man that you are then surely a group of professionals in the field can do the same, right? You have so much to offer and are so savey in your ways that people can't help but falling in love with you. We just need them to fall in love with you AND educate you. Hopefully I will also be able to step back, show you it is okay to trust and succeed, and we will be off to a wonderful school year. We NEED this to be a wonderful school year.

Keep on Truckin Baby
I love you
Mom

Look Out World - Here You Come

Something has changed. An emotion inside of you, a wall coming down, a sense of security, and a feeling of happiness. It is not to say that I have never seen you happy in the last year because as we know I have, but it is to say this is the longest I have seen you content and happy and honestly a sense of fullfillment. Your laugh has meaning behind it and when you are upset now it is usually for a good reason (well, at least a good reason in your mind). You are learning to communicate these emotions better and to catch yourself before you actually spiral out of control.

With this change you are taking so much more in from the world around you. You are much more attentive to what is taking place, what the expectations are, and how the world interacts with you as much as you interact with it. You realize that by changing your actions something around you changes and that if someone else changes their actions you most likely should change yours too.

This is a giant step for you and a huge growth. You have changed so much over the last year but I would honestly say that the change in you the last two months has been the most drastic. I think part of this is due to the right combination of medication (after a year of working on it) and also me being home with you for the summer. The reason does not matter though what matters is the continued progress and your love for life.

We went to Ohio again this weekend to hang out with the Speas family and you did great. We did the Ohio State Fair (an experience all within itself) - you were able to watch the pig races, milk a cow, and view a shark tank - I will need to take you to a VA fair next year so you can see the difference :)

This week you are in a speech camp that is four hours every morning and is actually at the Theuraputic Riding Center. You get to spend all morning riding the horses, grooming them, and interacting with peers at the center all while working on your speech. Now, I am not a fan of horses but they said you LOVED it. You kept petting the horse (calling it a puppy) and saying "mine." I hate to break it to you but we will not be buying a horse in the future - but.... I may consider a little more therapy through horseback riding if you continue to do well this week.

We are at a pivital moment little man. You have been home a little over a year and as I said before you have continously made progress, even through all of the behaviors, but now, across the board you are starting to pull it together across all people and all the different places we go. Your speech therapist even sent an email saying this to me last week, Linda sees it when she works with you, and Frank has just joined the team to provide additional services. Now we need to again push a little harder, raise our expectations to another level, and continue to watch in amazement. I hope the world is ready because ready or not, here you come!

Love you baby
Mom