By 6:30 tonight you were sound asleep. Granted some of this could have been your patch change but I think a great deal of this was that you are exhausted! You made it through week one of Kindergarten and overall did a wonderful job. It is very interesting, and exactly what I expected, that your behaviors in the general education classroom were much better then in the resource room. I know that you you learn from your peers and being in a room with 25 other children you are overall able to step up to the challenge. Not to say that you didn't have your tantrums here and there but compared to your behaviors the first week of preschool we are years beyond where we were 8 weeks ago.
I found myself today thinking back to April when I first met you. The little boy who was laughing at himself in the mirror at daycare, the little boy who had no fears, no language, and no social skills. The little boy who hit others while laughing to get their attention, no concept of boundaries, and no idea what was about to occur.
Then, a month later, I picked you up. You had no anxieties. You came to me with ease and showed no fear on the airplane. You swatted at Nancy and I on the way home. You ate so much food we thought you had been starved for days and then you started hoarding the crackers. And then, when we arrived home at midnight that night you didn't even think twice. Played with a few cars, took a nice long bath, and then curled up in your bed with me and fell fast asleep. You even slept until 9:00 am the next morning!
Now, you have fears, you have stranger anxiety (to an extent), you are very aware of change, and have a great deal more language. You fight learning new skills but in the end show us that you acquire skills rather quickly if you are motivated. We have had many of play dates, you know your friends, and the behaviors have decreased drastically. Not to say that you don't have your moments but you do not even look like the same child you did 5 months ago.
Looking at all this I wonder - I wonder if your biggest delays are due to the drug exposure to meth. I wonder if you had had intervention at the age of 3 (when removed from your biological home) would you be talking. And I wonder why all of your potential was not seen so long ago - by teachers, daycare workers, foster parents, etc. And I also wonder if I am doing what is right for you. If I choose the right battles to fight, if I push too little or too hard, and most of all if I all my love is enough for you to feel safe and secure.
I love you with all of my heart and love to see the smirk on your face. I know you are making progress but I just wonder if I am doing enough. If I should be doing something different or if I should be finding different options. I know you and I were made for each other. That your strong will and my stubburnness - we are the only two who could handle each other! We are able to laugh at each other. To regroup after a fight, and to curl up and just rock for hours. Tonight you fell asleep in my lap. You are not angry like you were when we first started school and therapy, you are just simply tired. You are pushed harder then any little one I know right now and you also push back just as hard. And to tell you the truth, I think you have a great deal of fun pushing back.
This weekend we will be laying low. Toy Story On Ice tomorrow night with Anna, Ellie, and Gavin and then no other plans. I have a feeling, for the first couple of weeks, weekends will be your time to sleep. Mommy is very excited about the potential of sleeping in until 9:00 am tomorrow (the 530 wake up calls for school are a bit much).
Keep on Truckin Baby
Love you
Mom
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