Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Developmental Milestones

Wow! You continue to amaze me everyday but this time I am honestly shocked. For some reason when I woke up Monday I decided it would be the day to start potty training you (mind you I only had three pairs of underwear on hand so I was not very prepared). This is a huge step since a great deal of your past abuse was centered around potty training. Since you are not able to express these emotions we only have accounts from others in your family and your reactions. Before, you were terrified to even walk into the bathroom let alone sit on the potty.

So, Monday morning, we woke up and your diaper was dry. I decided that was the day. I was going to make progress with potty training or, if things did not work out, wait a good six months before I tried again. I expected things to be difficult, to have tantrums, crying, and a lot of resistance - I under estimated you again. By the third time we went potty, every 15 minutes, you understood what the expectation was and quickly caught on to how you earned your chocolate or Dorito. Day one you only had four accidents and were very successful!!! Needless to say I could not have been happier.

I should have expected though, you would quickly learn to use this to your advantage. When in trouble today, only one day later, you would stand in front of me, squat, and pee in the middle of the floor. Hmmm.... maybe a little manipulation going on and my mom laughing at me from above!

You also decided today was the day to test your nanny. Not only did you use the potty training to your advantage and have more accidents in a two hour time then you had the last 48 hours you tested her as you did me the first five weeks - just out and out tantrums and behaviors. She is not going anywhere though, she loves you and will not leave you... You will learn this from all of us, you cannot scare us away as you have others in the past. We just keep coming back harder and raising the bar.

In five short weeks you have started to potty train, at least doubled your language, attended a birthday part, started to make friends, put on about 10 pounds, and are eating meat! The successes are huge and I need to keep reminding myself of this. I can barely remember where you were five weeks ago except the fact that within a week I was in tears from the some of the behaviors we were having.

Your walls keep coming down. You keep showing more emotion everyday and today all you wanted this morning was to sit curled up in someone's lap. You know things are different, I only wish you could express what is going through your head. The next week we will have more changes. I am going back to work and the nanny will be with you full time - four days per week. I am sure we will yet again find a balance but I am also sure this will be very difficult transition from you as you are just starting to adapt to this schedule.

I cannot wait for the adventures of tomorrow and to share in your success.

Love Mom

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

And the walls come a-tumblin down

A few more bricks have fallen from the wall you have put up for protection. Yesterday you started spontaneously giving Mommy kisses and asking for kisses (leaning your lips in and blowing in my face). Then, as you curled up in bed last night and I lay next to you, you curled up under my arm, put your head on my chest, and were fast asleep within minutes. It is moments like this that I know your walls are starting to come down, that even through our episodes we are growing together and the future holds so much possibility.

I love you more today then yesterday

Mom

I know you have trouble with transitions, but....

From day one you have struggled with transitions. Part of this I think is because you never know where we are going or if you will come home, who we are going to see, if your toys will still be there when we come home, and just plain and simple still learning what the hell is going on in this world. You were pulled from the cow farms in Idaho with no neighbors were you could run free to a busy neighborhood with people on every corner. With this, we still go everywhere and anywhere... We work through the tantrums, me sitting on top of you basically trying to put you in your car seat, falling to floor screaming when we walked in new places, and running screaming down the streets during our walks in which case people would come out to see if I was abusing you!

Many of these transitions have become easier and we have fallen into our patterns so what do we do... we go to the zoo! Not thinking ahead, Mommy was not thinking that to get to every exhibit would be a transition. Leaving an animal that you enjoyed, not knowing where we were going, you were definitely not a happy camper until we got to the next animal and then we did it all over again a few minutes later. At least you loved the animals but you were a little hoarse and tired afterwards.

We had gone to the zoo with Jenny, Donald, Taylor, and Shelby. Jenny came with Mommy when I met you for the first time in Idaho and on a few days notice I decided to pack us up last week and go visit her in Ohio. You did amazing in the seven hour car drive, not a single tear and only a 45 minute nap. You loved playing with Shelby and handled being in a different bed and a different routine very well. They will come to see us in July and can't wait to see the progress you are making!

I can't wait for more adventures - Love you

Sunday, June 13, 2010

"Bryson James...1"

"Bryson James... 1"

I am sure are repeating this over and over again in your head as you are hearing it often now. Not that I there is really a consequence if I ever get to 3, but I will keep that my little secret for now! Actually, often times when I say "Bryson James...1" you look at me, smile, and say "two!" These are the moments that I smile at myself because more of your personality is coming through every day and you are testing me soooo much these days. I am sure my mom, your grandmother, is laughing at me from above right now because you are so me when I was younger. Whatever you are told you are not allowed to do, you immediately do it anyways and always do it with a smirk on your face and sparkle in your eye. A sparkle that you did not have a month ago!

In May I would say you had about 15-20 words and that is if we were lucky. You definitely could say "please," "ready," "go," and a few others but nothing when directly asked. You were not directly imitating the actions of those around you and followed about 5 routine directions consistently. Now, only four weeks later, I would say you have about 40 words and are starting to combine two words together on occasion. Your jargon has much more but we are all still learning what it means. I definitely know when you are mad at me, point your little finger and "yell" for prolonged periods of time in your language. You are now repeating words you are hearing, imitating some peers at times, imitating actions of adults at times of your choosing. Of course, you do so much more for others as you like to test me but even within the last week you have exploded in your growth and development.

Your physical features change daily. You are not nearly as unbalanced as you were when I first met you and you are carrying yourself with more confidence. You are weary of strangers now and know those you can trust who you see daily. You have started to only call me "momma" instead of everyone around us and my heart melts every time I hear it.

I hate to tell you but you have no clue what is in store for you starting in the near future. You have already started aquatics therapy to help with your gross motor skills and coordination, and starting in two weeks you will have ABA therapy at least 10 hours a week. I am sure you will love your therapists but not to sure you will love the work. I know you will succeed though and make great strides. Everyday is a new adventure for you and I am amazed each day with not only how much you are learning and progressing but also how much I am learning about myself. One day, I know we will look back and laugh about how many of my buttons you pushed, how anal I was over your hair and the way you were dressed, and how you barked like a dog just to see my reaction (mind you, you would do this for hours on end!).

I love you more today then yesterday and cannot wait for the adventures of tomorrow

Mom

Hospitalization

Okay Bryson, do you really need to test me this way so soon! You came home on Thursday night and on Saturday you were hospitalized. Around 4:00 Saturday afternoon you started vomiting and became very tired. I assumed you had swallowed to much water swimming and were just over tired from everything we had been out doing your first few days home - Evidently I was mistaken.....

At 1:00 am I decided to take you to the hospital and Valerie met us there. By 5:00 am they made the decision to admit you, that your sodium levels were too low and thus the reason for you being incoherent and vomiting. By 7:00 were moved up to the pediatric floor and I was at the end of my rope. You did an amazing job, took everything in stride, and the nurses loved you... I was just way over tired and not sure where to turn next. I had the support of those around me but you will soon learn that your mom is stubborn and not always willing to ask for help when needed.

Luckily, you were discharged Sunday around 7:00 at night and we could go home and attempt to get back in our routine. Starting all over, just four days later was not easy and a huge setback in the progress you were already making. With your personality though you were full swing within 24 hours, back to bouncing off the walls and showing off whenever someone would watch.

Through all of this my love for you continues to grow. We are learning so much about each other and I am learning so much about myself. I love you more today then yesterday...

The Beginning of the Journey

Wow! Bryson James, where do I even begin... Let me start by explaining the reason for this blog. When I was growing up my mom kept a journal for me. Every entry was written as if she was talking to me, and now that she has passed, it is one of my most cherished possessions. Times have changed a little and not only do I want to write to you, I want you to know what others have to say also, so this is open to friends and family. One day, when you look back upon this, I hope it will provide you insight into your past, how far you have come, and how truly special you are. You were given a gift - your passion, strength, desire, and perseverance is absolutely amazing.

On May 13th, 2010 you came home to me. I met you in mid April and spent a few days with you and I had no doubts in my mind that you were supposed to be my forever child. Our trip was not without its glitches though as I missed the flight to get to you and the social workers from Idaho had to drive you four hours to Salt Lake City Utah to meet us where we quickly went through security and boarded our plane. If I only knew what you were thinking, leaving life as you knew it behind and on a plane with two strangers (Nancy and I) for over four hours. You survived though, we feed you a LOT and sang a lot of songs and needless to say, at midnight, when we finally arrived home, you were ready for bed. I am not sure you will ever really realize how many people were waiting for you, how many people loved you before they ever met you, and the life you would soon be living. All this aside, I know you knew the love I had for you and that you were finally safe and protected.