Mr. Personality

One day you will learn you are not the shit, but for now, I have no problem sitting back and watching you strut your stuff. You are full of personality, life, and you are a little spitfire. Enjoy the pictures baby.

Oh, and check out this link. We are very excited as this is device you will be getting as your new communication tool and we should have it in our hands by next week!
http://www.dynavoxtech.com/products/maestro/?ctt_id=8800301&ctt_adnw=Google&ctt_ch=ps&ctt_entity=tc&ctt_cli=2x15384x64064x1844956&ctt_kw=dynavox%20maestro&ctt_adid=6023157670&ctt_nwtype=search&gclid=CJbg-s_EhKkCFYXd4AodKyDbow

I love you baby an more to come soon
Mom

Working Through The Needs

Often times I have to step back and remember just how far you have come in a year. I forget the child that you were and forget all of the skills you have learned since you have been home. Sally always says that she will never forget one of the first days you were home we went over to her house for a popcicle and to play with the kids. You proceeded to hold the popcicle upside down, attempt to eat the stick, and then could not figure out how to walk down the deck stairs. Really?! And now you are playing lacrosse and eating clam languini as if you have been doing it forever :) I do not forget though the look in your eyes at times, your smile when you are proud of yourself, and just how hard you have to work. I have mentioned many times throughout this journal that I do not know how to pick and choose my battles with you. That I do not know what skills to put on hold and which ones to continue to push and where to really dig in my heels and not give in. I have gotten better over the last year. I have let go of a few things and definitely altered the way I view others which has helped us both grow. You have also shown less resistence towards learning new skills and are more likely to show me what you know instead of just everyone else.

One area of huge growth for you is your languge. Whether it be expressive (you verbally saying something), you receptive (you following directions), or the use of your iPad to facilitate either of these, you have developed leaps and bounds. You can follow one and two step directions, you take direction from peers, repeat much of what you hear, and use your iPad to make your wants and needs known. I decided long ago that communication is one area that I could not give in or alter my expectations. That communication would be the most vital tool I could give you to prepare you for independence in society and also help lessen some of your frustration.

What I have had to learn though is how to break language down in order to teach you how to use it. When having a conversation with someone or just simply playing with toys we do not even realize how much language we are using. What I and your therapist have had to do is remember this langauge and create buttons for you in your iPad so that you too can learn to communicate on the same level. This is easier said then done. We also have to realize the amount of choices that our language gives us and how to teach you all the varieties and differences. For instance, tonight you and I were working on differentiating chips. I have alway just allowed you to request "chip" and then I gave you what ever chip I felt like grabbing from the pantry. But, if all other children have a choice of what type of chip they want, why shouldn't you? So, we sat down and worked on Fritos, Potato Chip, and BBQ Chip. You picked up on the difference in a matter of minutes and the video is attached. This had to take planning though, time to program you device, and patience to work through it. Like most parents, I could not just say the name and give it to you knowing you would remember it next time. We had to stop what we were doing, take a time out from life, and learn the difference.

Not to say this is a bad thing. The forces both of us to "stop and smell the roses" and take a time out from life, even if we do not always feel as if we have time to. It continues to teach me to appreciate the small steps in life and realize how much goes into a day for you with new experiences, new language, and a whole new world opening up to you everyday.

You are also enjoying your swim lessons and continue to love lacrosse. These two environments shock me as there are so many behavioral expectations and social expectatinos you must follow in order to participate and keep up with your peers. Every practice though we show up with a smile on your face, the other children greet you with high fives and waves, and off you go, just one of the boys.

I cannot help but wonder where you will be in another year. Where you will have grown and where you and I will still be picking our battles. I still do not know what will be the best school environment for your next year or what services to push over summer but I do know you will continue to shock and amaze us. I know that you will give a little smile to the right person, wink your eyes at the little girls, and continue to giggle yourself into the hearts of those you meet. I know that tomorrow will bring us new challenges and new adventures but that we are both now ready for them. That you and I will tackle the world and you will conquer all that has been a challenge. I promise to write more later - Night Baby Love Mom

One Year

So I wish I had time to write more but my bed is calling my name. This last Friday marked the year point for you being home. Gotcha Day will always be the most special day between you and I and a true day for celebration. Really, a life changer for both of us. I promise to write more on this soon but I will leave you with the pictures for now. One being from this week and the other being from in the airport right after we walked through security to bring you home.

I love you baby

Testing

I am so very proud of you. After much thought and consideration I decided to go through a private psychologist for educational, developmental, and emotional testing. When you first arrived home I had said I wanted to give you one year... one year to grow and develop and at least form some bonds here and have stability before you underwent testing. During this last year you also gained some skills, such as sitting in your chair longer then two seconds, to help with this testing. This was not an easy decision though to finally make.

Even though I know you have special needs, and lots of them, I have felt safe not having a label on you. Always being able to say that all of your needs are because of your past, and well, even though your past greatly impacts who you are today we need a diagnosis. We need a baseline and a starting point and also evidence so that when I have the energy I can once again fight the public school system for an appropriate placement. I have been scared though to see these results, what if they come back ID, AUT, or ED? What do those initials actually mean? Will the tests be an accurate picture of who you are? And how can they test a chid who is overall nonverbal and has no paper and pencil skills? All this aside, we had to move forward.

So, off we went today to Bethesda and you did a wonderful job. I am so proud of how hard you worked and how hard you tried to complete the tasks that were presented to you. You worked for over three hours, some tasks were easy for you, others were well beyond your comprehension but you attempted and gave it your all, and that is all I ever ask of you. I just want you to try your best and allow yourself to experience the world around you. I will honestly say, that given the tests were standardized, meaning questions could not be altered and there were no prompts or teaching permitted, I think the results will be an accurate measure. Now, I know you can do more, you have shown us more, but not under those conditions and that will all be written into the report. On top of this, everyday is a new day for you and tomorrow you will learn another skill that you did not have today. Just keep on trucking baby.

All of this aside, we made it through our first mothers day. We had a very busy weekend between lacrosse, swim lessons, birthday celebrations for Terry, and Mothers day dinner with Nancy and Terry we spent very little time at home. You know, you have your ups and downs but you did hang strong for the most part.

Oh, and most importantly, YOU LOST YOUR FIRST TOOTH! I have no clue where it is, I think you swallowed, I do not even though if you lost it Sunday afternoon, evening, in your sleep, or Monday during breakfast but it is gone. I made a big deal out of it when I discovered it brushing your teeth. You just stuck your finger up your nose, said "tooth" and went about smiling as you ran out of the bathroom. Needless to say, a bigger first for me this time then you :)

I love you baby
Mommy

Pictures are from our weekend